Sunday, December 26, 2010

The One About 19.3 kml

A few days ago was cruising at highway and noticed the F-22
fuel computer calculations.

It said 19.3 km per liter of petrol. -_-"

Each liter of petrol RM1.90 ( ron95 ) divided by 19.3 km = RM 0.098446 per
km. I was like, no way hozay !!!

True enough, later it went back to 11 or 12 km per liter which is about RM0.15
or RM0.16 per km. This is more like it !!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The One About 7 Inches Screen Phone

Yesterday was having lunch near Bangsar area with client. While
waiting for the menu to come, i was scanning the surrounding.

Next table there was this lady with Iron Lady look , must be some
big shot CEO or VP or something of a huge company. She was
sitting with another guy, perhaps her Ma Chai and seems like they
were waiting for some people.....
and her face reminded me of Rod Stewart -_-"

She talked talked talked and then placed her phone on the table and
that looked like a Samsung Galaxy Tab. She touched touched touched
the screen and talked talked talked somemore.

Her client arrived a moment later and the first thing her client said almost
made me spit my chinese tea to my customer face.....

Her client,
" ZOMG !! Wah hah ha ha ha !!! Wow !! 
This is the biggest phone that I ever saw ! 
EVER !!! Really !!"  this was like a 6 in 1 assault
sentence and each of the assaults was a direct hit on the bull eyes -_-"

Lady:" ......... " a bit beh song.

Must be thinking, " knnbbq ! I spent RM2699 bought this phone and you
OMG OMG complaning the phone big, damn kuai lan lah you ! "

Me -_-"

By the way, i am still using a normal phone and when I place this phone
in my pockets, people does not suspect that I carry a cannon or  an
anaconda in my pocket ya !!

Monday, December 20, 2010

The One About Turkey

Just now don't know why the ladies in the office mentioned about
Turkey, perhaps the Christmas is near and they are thinking how to
cook these Turkey.

June:" The turkey kok.kok..kok...kok....kok.....kok...kok !!!"

Me:" lmao ! turkey not lah !!! "

June:" Then ? How does turky sound like ? "

Me:" Turr tur turrr turrr turrr.... keyy.....keyyy.... keyy...keyyy ?"

June :" lmaozhedongwith 2 legs in the sky !!!! Stupid Kai Hong !!!"

Me :" WHATTT ??? "

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The One About Facebook

A few days ago, some old friends were chatting at my place and we
talked about Facebook.

Hau:" gnnbbqmaozhetong !! i really don't understand why people put
baby face at their profile photo, how am I suppose to recognize them ?"

Me:" You don't know meh ? it is no more called facebook already ! "

Hau:" really meh ? "

Me:" Yeap ! It is called babyfacebookdotcom !! "

Hau -______-"

Me:" Some people even put dog photos at their profile photo woh ! "

Hau:" Well, not unusual, cause nowadays dog also knows how to use
facebook already mah, sometimes cats also, biawak also..... "

My turn -___________-"

The One that you don't KLKK ok ????

A few days ago, a childhood friend sent me a document, saying that it is
Hokkian Dictionary and contains some very useful terms..

Me, " Yew... Hokkian only mar, i have PhD on that lah !! "

Then i opened the file and read thru and fall off my chair -_-"

why ?

In the document, it defines what is K.L.K.K, what  is K.L.K, what
is K.K.C and K.K.Y.L.P  and many more...... -____________-"

What ? You also don't know ah ? lmao ! ok ok ok...

K.L.K.K = Kia Lai Kia Ker ( Walk here walk there ) = lepak..

K.L.K = Kuai Lan Kia ( trouble making child , cocky child )= budak jahat

K.K.C= don't tell me you don't know this one ok ??? -________-"

K.K.Y.L.P = Kio Kar Yo Lam Par -_________________-" ( very free
doing nothing, raise one leg and shaking genital ) lmao !!!

Ok ok, i don't have the PhD in Hokkian, the person who publish
this document HAS !! and I respect this guy !! damn !!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

The One About Good Car for Sale

My friend Johntim has a Good Black Honda Civic for sale.

Asking for RM62,000 negotiable. If interested please let me
know, mentioning my name to him got RM168.68 discount.

I asked him, " Reason of selling your car ? "

Him, " I am getting married soon ! My GF father has a few Ferrari 
and Porsche and those are really seldom used. "

Me -_-" :" Your GF got sister or not ? Can introduce to me or not?"

Him, " DON'T HAVE !! DON'T HAVE !!!! "

Me," Elleh ... "

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The One About My Dad's Super Car

Ah Meng and Ah Beng and Ah Lian were showing off their father's
car while playing at Kayu Ara Playground.

Ah Meng, " My father's sport car damn good ! from Ipoh toll to 
Damansara toll, 1 hour 30 mins only..... geng boh ? "

Ah Beng, " My father's sport car lagi damn best ! from Kuala Lumpur to
JB , 2 hours 5 minutes only.... waliew boh ? "

Ah Lian, " Cheh !!! My father's car lagi bestest !!! He finishes work at 
5 30 pm but he arrives at home at 5 28 pm every day rain or no rain..."

Ah Beng and Ah Meng: " Wahliew !!!!!!!! "

The One About Quite Painful -_-"

Just now went to Petrol Station for refuel and eyes wasn't opened properly...

Ter"pumped" in the extremely poweful and expensive
RM2.55 per liter fuel x 40 liter.

Putih putih paid extra RM 26 -_-" knnbbq@brrrommmm power !!!!

Since pumped in already, boh pian, wanted to try the Brrrrommmmm power lohh...

At highway, me pressed pressed the gas pedal hard hard.... engine no
Broomm Broommm sound one?

Maybe I ter"pumped" in Diesel kottt....

I pressed pressed again, got small car overtake my F-22 somemore.... -_-"

Kenapa Boleh Jadi Begini Kehhhhh ????? ADOIII !!!

SAKIT !!!!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

The One about Green Green Grass

Just now saw ALM and had conversation with her.

Me," I say, ALM, you are riding on cows nowadays meh ?"

ALM, " Oi ! What cows ? I am driving a car ok ? "

Me, " Then, is your car a cow meh ??? "

ALM, " No ak, my CAR IS A CAR LAH !! "

Me, " Then does your car eat grass for lunch? "

ALM is a bit beh song liao -_-"

ALM, " No ak, my car uses Ron95 or Ron97 petrol!"

Me, " Is your car a bee ? does it transport pollen ? "

ALM, " knn ! My car is my car lah ! Why you ask so many
question ? " ALM very Beh Song already....

Me, " No lah, i saw your car, i thought it was a cow trying
to eat my plants , or trying to spread pollens or something
like that, i just worried ma.... "

ALM, " Wopppsss !! I park too near to the plants izzit ? "

Me, " Nolah, your car is NOT parked too near to the plants
your car is PARKED IN MY PLANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!."

ALM, " Soli Soli heheheheh !!! "

See ?? see ??  -_-"

The One About 24 Degree

Yesterday it was raining since 3 or 4 am. When i went to work, it was only 24°  celcius...

Cool !!! I wish that everyday i could wake up in this kind of weather...

The One About RM450 shirt

My colleague bought a RM450 shirt and was very happy cause the shirt felt comfortable
and look great on him.

He walked into our lunch yesterday and without knowing what happened,
i asked him, " Eh !??? Your shirt or you was ran over by a lorry ah ? 
Why the tyres mark are so clear and obvious one ? "

Him -_-" "knnbbq ! This one is the latest Paris Designer shirt ok ? 
RM450 a pop one !"

Me, "Wooppppppsss..... Soli Soli.... Soli Soli.... "

The One About Crabs

This morning, Ah Lian's Mom  ALM called me and said want to ask me
a question. I was not too busy and said, " Please ask !"

ALM, " Eh i ask you hor ! "

Me, " Yes, please ask ! "

ALM, " If there is a race between 2 crabs to see who could run faster,
which crabs do you think would win, there is this Black Crab and 
another one is Red Crab."

Me, " Huh ? I don't know, perhaps the Black Crab ?? "

ALM, " Bingo ! You are good ! But why the Black Crab ? "

Me, " I really don't know leh !! Mana aku tahu ? "

ALM, " hahahahaha....wahahahhaha..... "

Me, " So , why has the black crab won the race ? "

ALM, " Cause the red crab is cooked ! and he ain't going nowhere.

Me spit hot coffee on my lap & ........ adoi !!!!!!

Friday, December 03, 2010

The One About Raining

The other day Fat Lady mia sister or Kath mentioned that she
is coming to visit us in the evening. But till night she hasn't arrived.
So I called and checked

Me, " Hello, where are you, are you ok ?"

Kath, " Oh ! I am perfectly fine thank you."

Me," I thought you are suppose to come to my house today?"

Kath, " Oh ! Because it's raining now, so I didn't come lor."

Me, " I see I see, you are driving a convertable car izzit ? Or
your car has no top one izzit ? Or your car has no windscreen
and windows one izzit ? "

Kath, " No lah, raining mah.... "

Me, " hmmpffff !!! I thought you are driving a Spyder or
Convertable tim...."

Kath, " heheheheh...."

Me, " Stupiak !!"

The One About Paying Saman and Get Discount

Recently don't know why a lot of people like getting
crazy and everyday talking about settling their summons.

I feel very left out cause I have none to settle and
decided to show off a little bit. Muahahahahah...

Read my lips," I am a pro, A pro doesn't get Summons.
Only amature gets Summons."

Or you can drive over 300 miles/h, the speed camera can't
capture you according to Adam and Jamie...

Run away fast fast...

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The One About Calling from Sabah

A few days ago, a friend of mine called for help and over the
phone, " Eh ! Need your help, i am drinking @ Sabah now !! But my 
Ipad cannot get connected to Wifi and browse the net lah ! "

Me, " Wah ! Ipad, i am not very sure about the setting for  it's Wifi woh!"

Friend, " How ? "

Me, " I need to have the device with me, in order to help ya!"

Friend, " Ok Ok ! Never mind "

Me, " sorry ya ! eh eh ! Buy seafood for me har !!! hehehe! "

15 mins later that friend arrived at my home.... -_-"

Me, " Knnbbq ! You said you were at Sabah just now ? "

Friend, " I said I was in drinking nice coffee at  Starbucks ! 
and I was having problem connecting my wifi using my Ipad. 
And why the hell did you ask me to buy seafood for you from
Sabah for??? Now fix my Ipad . go.go.go  !!!! "

Me, " -_-" ok loh "

Starbucks sounds very close to Setapak and Sabah sometimes....

My ears are bad also sometimes.....

The One About Ah Pok

Ah Pok put these in his MSN status.

我从此以后对此君另眼相看 佩服·佩服!!!! -_-"

also 从此以后吃饭时不看人家的MSN 的 status.....

Friday, November 26, 2010

The One About Your Hairdresser is more terror than my Hairdresser

My rich friend, " Eh ! where do you normally go get your hair dressed?"

Me," errr... infront of my mirror of my bath room loh... "

My rich friend, " I mean, which shop you normally go ? Lot 10 ? 
Pavilion ? Sri Hartamas ? USJ ? Which area ?"

Me, " Oh i have my own regular guy fixing my hair... "

My rich friend, " Your hairdresser from which country ? Mine is from
Hong Kong quite experienced chap, i booking normally 2 days in 
advance can get already. "

Me, " Oh mine no need booking one, he is from Mumbai, i walk in, 
he shake his head, " cut ? " i answered, " yes cut but not too short "
and in 10 mins time i leave RM7 and go home with short hair.

And i sometimes use my bicycle to go to this shop..."

My rich friend, " WTF ? RM7 ? My dog cut hair also RM100 over a pop!"

Me, " Your hair and your dog's hair got gold mah, mine black one."

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The One About Negative Temperature

A friend of mine was going abroad and expected would be winter
with negative ( minus ) temperature. He is also bringing his
DSLR to that destination.

Worried about the extremely cold temperature, he was asking us
on tips and tricks to protect the DSLR from negative temp.

Him," I am very worried about by DSLR and the temperature lah!
some friends suggested dry box, silica gel and stuff like that.. but
these are more for moisture right ?"

I said, " I see, this is pretty simple and free solution here !"

Him," Huh ? Really ? how ?"

Me,"  You go ahead and bring your DSLR to your destination."

Him, " Then ? "

Me, " When the temperature drops to negative / minus , you hold
your DSLR in your hand...and close to your face... "

Him, " Then ? Then ? I blow at it ah ? fooo...foooo.. foooo.. like that ?"

Me, " No lah my dear !! Don't do that, your breath got moist also!

 You should then say something negative to the DSLR like, you stupid
camera, or you slow shutter camera, or you small sensor camera or
you lousy piece of ISO equipment, you ain't worth nothing.... perhaps
some hokkien &^@^^#^!%!%&&*(#$#^^!%% too... "

Him, " Why ? Why ??? "

Me, " Cause , last time my math teacher said, Negative and Negative
becomes positive .... confirmed one ! "

Me, " or you can go to kuwait, cause they ban DSLR there...loh..."

Him," You go get hump by an elephant ! "

Me," lmao ! " run away really fast....

Friday, November 19, 2010

The One About 门口与电梯

赶不及上到 楼上便在电梯里分娩了,
她又不好意思, 又觉得很害羞,

妇科医生:"哎呀 !! aunty 您别难过啦!!"

太太:" 这太不好意思了嘛 !!!"

妇科医生: "别哭...别哭..... 去年有个大肚婆更够力leh,
在医院门口, 就 terus 生了leh, 更加 jiat lat 啦!!!"

太太哭得更大声了:" 那也是我来的lah !!!"

医生:" oppppssss !!! "

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The One About Solution

A love running everywhere uncontrollable child is a major headache
for a lot of parents. Here comes the solution....

下午,做了一份 Nutella 朱古力面包,刚要吃时。

Fat Lady,"给我一口可以吗?"


Fat Lady,"求求你啦!"

Me," 就只有这一口 harr!!"

Fat Lady, "好的,谢谢你!!!"



The One About Hot

Define hot ?

Answer:" When it is 39° Celsius out there... "

The One about Professional

What is a Pro ?

Answer, " When you can park your car really really to near the wall, like 5mm or 10mm away......"

One About Bachok

Darn I missed Bachok so much !!

The One That Rainy Days

Darn I love Rainy Days....

The One About White Paper

Just now at lunch near Damansara....

Fat Lay, " Errr... what is White paper already ah ? "

Me, " What paper is a kind of official report, normally from authorities or government or a trusted body, that they publish a statement or report which addresses and explains certain issue, problem or causes, like, a white paper on why certain GLC is not performing, or white paper on why is a Stadium collapse after 2 years in was built. and.."

Fat Lady, " STOP !!!! "

Me, "What ? I am not done yet... "

Fat Lady, " Answer me one thing... "

Me, " Ok , what ? "

Fat Lady, " What is a White Paper Crab ? "

Me, " Harrr ? Where got White Paper on Crabs one ? "

Fat Lady, " Look there ? " Point point....

Me, " LMAO ! White Pepper Crab lah Oiyo !! "

The One About GMA !!!

Just now when I was checking my emails suddenly Fat Lady pointed at
my screen and shouted, " Wow !!! "

Me, " What ? "

Fat Lady, " You are using DOS meh ? "

Me, " Nope , Vista... "

Fat Lady, " Why all text and green stuff one ? "

Me, " This is Dosta... "

Fat Lady, " Bodoh lu ! "

Me, " No lah, it's my gmail screen, there is this Terminal themes."

Fat lady, " You are so damn 1970s ok ? "

Me, " No woh, real man uses DOS... and command prompt !"

Fat Lady, " then you should format C: your lap top lah !!"

Me, " Wah wah wah !! Format C: also you know ah ???? "

Fat Lady, " Abuthen ? Your eyes not painful meh ?"

Me, " A bit actually loh... "

Fat Lady, " Then why continue to use it ? "

Me, " GMA ok ??? Gaya Mesti Adaaaaaa "

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The One About Die Die Die !!!!

Ah Lian is having a lot of friends in the kindergarden and she likes
them very much and tell us all sorts of story about her new friends.

One fine day she came back and told us, " Yay ! Today i got new friends!"

Me, " Wow ! Cool, who are they ? "

Ah Lian, " One is Ah Beng and another one is Death ... "

Me spat coffee at the laptop screen while Fat Lady spat chicken rice
in my eyes ( with chili some more... spicy !! )

Me, " What is the name again ? Where got people call Death one ? "

Ah Lian, " Got Got Got !! Death Lee !! Death Lee from Ampang !!"

Me, " Choi !!"

Fat Lay, " Choi Choi ! "

Ah Lian's mom, " Choi Choi Tai Kat Lai Si !! Pui Hau Sui Choi !"

Ah Lian almost got tears in eyes liao, " I am not lying !!! "

Me, " Ok Ok ! I trust you, I trust you ! "

Ah Lian, " I didn't lie lah !! See his name here ? "

Ah Lian showed the name, " Dave Lee "

I covered my eyes this time before Fat Lady spit Fried Chicken
to my face again.

* When kids have their front teeth changed, before the new teeth grow,
they can't pronounce certain words properly.

Dave ==> Death
Dance ==> Denfff
Six ==> Sisfff
Fish ==> Fifth
Dish ==> Diffff....

Please be courteous enough and not to make fun or laugh at the kids
who are at this stage...

But then, Dave Lee become Death Lee woh.....

muahahahahahhahahaah !!

The One About Hah ? What Antenna ??

Ah Lian is 6 years old right now and a lot of time, she is the creator
and the cause of alot of confusion of the house. But when she was 4
or 5 years old, there was more confusion....

One fine day, Ah Lian was pointing at the TV ...

Ah Lian, " Wah ! Mummy, Hah Nah Antenna !!! "

Mami, " Hmmm ? What Antenna ? "

Ah Lian, " Hah Nah Antenna !! " kept pointing at TV...

Mami, " Where got Antenna ? It is Satellite TV baby... "

Ah Lian, " No No !! Antenna !! "

Mami looked at the TV and it was Hannah Montana performing...

Mami -_-" " Haiyoh, Hannah Montana lah !! "

Ah Lian, " Ok Hannah Antenna ... "

Mami 2 legs in the sky.......

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The One About KPI

In certain organization, a staff's or employee's performance is rated
via KPI ( Key Performance Indicator ).

K = the best one
P = the normal one
I = the not so good one

So the other day the machai asked the boss.

Machai, " Hello Boss, for 2010, what would you rate me?"

Boss, " You mean your performance izzit ? "

Machai, " Yes sir ! What do you think of my performance ?"

Boss, " What do you think you are worth ? "

Machai, " Me ? I of course K lah ! "

Boss, " Ok ! K for you... no problem... "

Machai, " Wah !! Really ah ? So nice lah you bosss !! "

Boss, " No problem... "

Machai, " Boss, you are the best, i love you deep deep !!!"

Boss, " A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, and you are K woh !! "

Machai " fuyohalamak !! " and 2 legs in the sky ,
waliew !!!! -_-"

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The One About Hot !!

Right now it is 5 pm. And my room temp is 32.5° Celcius. I am
in the PJ house right now. Outside how warm, i don't want to
know .....

Yesterday morning when I went into my car the outside temp
was 39° Celcius... -_-"

A few weeks ago i woke up @ ampang lair , it was 22° Celcius

I looked at the sun and asked, " Kenapa boleh jadi begini ?"
and was hoping that the Met department would announce that it
would be dry season soon.

Cause previous few years, each time the Meteorological department
announces that it would be dry season for next few months.
It started to rain like no tomorrow, just to embarrass the Met dept.

Comon, let's announce some dry season ?? no ??

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The One About Wrong Lots of Love !!

A few days ago, Ah Beng's pet dog Ah James died, too old already.
Ah Lian was the best frind of Ah Beng from 1986 till now....
Ah Liam was also very sad cause James used to kiss kiss Ah Lian's
face and hands and everything everytime James see Ah Lian....

That is another story...

So Ah Lian decided to send a text message to Ah Beng to comfort him
and to console him, at the same time, hoping to show Ah Beng that she
cares for him very much ( and etc etc etc... )

The sms read like this, " Hei Ah Beng, i am very sorry to
hear that James passed away, deepest condolence from
me and my family and lol from me to you!!! "

Ah Beng received the SMS and was so angry and called Ah Lian back.

Ah Beng, " You very happy meh now ? "

Ah Lian, " No wor, i am very sad cause James passed away. "

Ah Beng, " Then why you lol in your SMS ? "

Ah Lian, " I really have lol for you mah ! "

Ah Beng, " knnbbq? Niabeh my dog died and you still laughing
out loud at me, you want to fight izzit ? "

Ah Lian, " Huh ? lol is not Lots of Love meh ? "

Ah Beng, " Lots of love your head ! Get lost ! "

Ah Lian, " errr. soli loh !! but i really lots of love mar.. "

Ah Beng, " Dulan ! " and hang up the phone.....

This one is from Johntim.... who is going to Singapore soon
with lolololol !!!


Ah Beng text back Ah Lian, " Hi Ah Lian, sorry to hear that
your car was ran over by a 18 wheels truck and your pet
cat Kitty was in the car, lolol !! "

........ and that was how the fight started...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The One About Sugar Cane

This morning was having a morning walk with Ah Lian who is 6
years old. As we passed by some trees and plants i tried to show
off that i watched a lot of Discovery Channel and National Geographic.

Me, " See, this is banana trees... coconut trees... bla.. bla bla...."

Ah Lian, " Oh ! Banana tree ! Why this banana so small one ?"

Me, " It is still growing ma... "

Ah Lian, " Ok Ok ... "

Me, " See this one is sugar cane, we always drink sugar cane juice one?"

Ah Lian, " Oh !!! I know I know !! " me damn syiok...

Ah Lian, " This is Shushi King tree ? We eat Shushi from here one ? "

Me, " Sugar cane tree ! "

Ah Lian, " Ya lah ! Sushi King tree la ! I love shushi "

Me jumped into the longkang and took a bath there to cool myself...


Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The One About Whale

Just now watching TV and the news showed some whales appearing at
US coast, cause the coast area now has a lot of shrimp.

Due to don't know what La Lina or La Bamba or
Lambada phenomenon....

Fat Lady, " Wah ! Whales !! "

Me, " Yeap ! "

Fat Lady, " Whale so huge, eat small little shrimp one meh ? "

Me, " Yeap ! "

Fat Lady, " They eat so many shrimps, collestrol will be very high or not?"

Me, " errr.... I don't know woh ! But i know, if we eat a lot of shrimp, the
doctor will sure start lecturing about high collestrol and stuff like that lah !"

Fat Lady, " So unfair hor ... "

Me, " errr..... "

Fat Lady, " By the way, Lambada is a song, not weather phenomenon ok ?"

Me, " errr.... zzzzzzzzz. "

* El Nino and La Nina lahhhhh !!! Oiyoh !!!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The One About Lady At Post Office

Just now went to Post Office and did some courier to my brother.

Me, " Harlo . itu Pos Laju service ada di sini ?"

Lady, " ada ada.. ini form, sila fill up... "

Me, " Besok sampai, sempat ke ? "

Lady, " Tak boleh lah, encik, 4 pm sudah pickup, sekarang 5 pm"

Me, " Ok ok. tak apa... " and filled up the form...

Lady, " Sila nyatakan apa yang dihantar...."

Me, " Oh ! Ok ok ! and wrote, " Biskut yang sedap ""

Lady saw already -_-" ... " Har ? Biskut yang sedeap ? "

Me, " Kenapa, you tak percaya ah ? Betul mia ! "

Lady lol ! The colleage of her who was having sour face also

Me, " Betul mia ... ini biskut yang sedap !! "

Lady, " ok ok. saya percaya... saya percaya... RM6.90"

Me, " ok ok... terima kasih " * Lari....

Monday, August 23, 2010

The One About Char Siew

A team member of mine is a very nice person, when he sees poor
people, he gives them some money, when he sees poor animal, he
tries to help them also. His name is Mr Lee.

One fine day, he came out from restaurant after having lunch. And
after a moment he walked back into the restaurant.

Mr Lee, " Hi boss, can you cut me RM10 of char siew ? Take away "

The boss, " Har ? You just ate your lunch, but well, since it is you... "

The boss chop chop and cut cut some Char Siew and packed them.

Then Mr Lee took the Char Siew and paid the RM10. After that, he
walked to the front of the shop and opened the pack of char siew
and fed those to a dog !!!

The boss, " @*$%^!^^#&*&*($^ You fed my Char Siew to a dog ah?"

Mr Lee, " No mar, the dog very hungry leh !! "

The boss, " knnbbq ! My char siew so limited, not enough already and
yet you fed it to a dog ??? "

Mr Lee, " No mar, the dog very really hungry woh ! "

The boss, " But still !! My char siew woh !! "

Mr Lee, " Sorry loh ! "

The boss, ".......... "

Monday, August 09, 2010

The One About The Post Office.

今天午餐时, 带了两位办公室的小姐出街,路过邮政局。

陈小姐:" 哇 !!! 好久没来邮政局办事了!! 好怀念 lah !!"

我: " 哇!! 陈小姐, 我忘了您那年代没有电脑, 也没电邮, 没用飞鸽传书吗?"

陈小姐:" 哇 liew !! 看我的佛.. 山.. 无.. 影.. 脚.. !!!!!!"

我:" Oi ! 喂!喂! 我在驾车啦 可以不要伤害我吗?"

陈小姐:" 什么飞鸽传书哪? 什么没有电邮的年代哪?想死吗?"

刘小姐 笑得从车后座掉到地上去了。


Saturday, July 24, 2010

The One About A Good Steak Shop

A few days ago i was having business meeting with reseller at
Victoria Station and had dinner with the reseller. Was so happy
with the food and discussion and went back told Fat Lady about

A few days later, Fat Lady mia sister, " Hor ! I angry with you !! "
Me," Huh ? What ? What have i done wrong ?"
Fat Lady mia sister, " You no good lah ! "
Me, " Har ? What went wrong, tell me.. tell me.. "

Fat Lady mia sister, " You never bring me to Victoria Secret !! "
Me, " Har ? Victoria Secret ... err... "
She, " Eh ! Bukan... Victoria Secret.... Victoria Station .. "
Me, " Choi ! Bodoh ! "
She, " So when you want to bring me there zhek ? "
Me, " Don't ask me, ask Fat Lady ! Heheheheh.... "

Fat Lady, " ya ya... we go buy Victoria Secret ya... "
Me, " Both of you Stupiak ! But the steak was nice! ! "
Both of them, " YORRR ! "

Thursday, July 22, 2010

The One About Blur Lady

A few weeks ago we went back to Ampang house and saw a co worker
of mine who has a nice sport car. I waved to them and say hello and
Fat Lady's sister was also in the car.

A few days later, we passed thru the same place again and Fat Lady's
sister, " Oh ! the Pink Lady is not there today ! "

Me, " Hmmm ? Pink Lady ? Who is that ? "

She, " Noh ! That day your friend nuh, the Pink Lady sport car one !"

Me and Fat Lady, " NISSAN FAIR LADY Lah !!! "

She, " Opppss !! Why i remember pink lady hor... "

Me and Fat Lady -_-"

Saturday, May 29, 2010

The One About 咏春



肥婆,“什么 ????”



我, “吓?? 什么话”

Sunday, May 23, 2010

The One About Speeding and Get Caught

My friend Sam has a Proton Satria Neo and a lot of time he drives very fast.

One day he was rushing from Seremban back to Kuala Lumpur and he
was driving pretty fast then.

Somewhere near Nilai he get stopped by Traffic Police with red flag.

Sam, " Wah liew ! This time kena already.... "

Police walked to his car, " Selamat petang encik.. "

Sam, " selamat petang... "

Police, " Jadi, you tahu apa kesalahan you ? "

Sam, " spe .. spe... speeding ?? "

Police, " Betul ! tahu pon engkau ! "

Sam, " so... so... berapa ? "

Police, " 185 "

Sam, " Wa... wa... waliew ? So expensive ?" and reached for wallet ...

Police, " Oi !! Oi !! Oi !! apa you buat ? Buat apa you ambik duit ?"

Sam, " 185 ring... ring... ringgit mar, kan ? "

Police, " Oi !! Oi !! Oi !! you mia speed tadi 185km per jam lah ! apa you
ingat ?

Sam, " O..O...Oh ! Shit ! "

Police, " Nah ! ini saman untuk speeding, sila bayar di mana-mana kaunter
opis Polis Trafik ya, terima kasih, lain kali tolong jangan pandu cepat lagi !!"

Sam =_="

Saturday, May 08, 2010

The One About Lap Top Mainboard

This morning was chatting with Miss Lim over her lap top which
has problem and can't work properly...

Miss Lim, " Fuyuh !! my lap top got problem lah !! screen snowy.. "

Me, " Wassap ? what happened ? tell me tell me ?what is the prob.."

Miss Lim, " My friend said that the motherboard is having problem!
baru 2 years in service, but screen can't show / display properly liao"

Me, " Har ? Motherboard ah ? "

Miss Lim, " Yalah, the motherboard became siao siao abit liao !"

Me, " I see.. "

Miss Lim, " So , what do you think happened ? "

Me, " See, normally at the month of May the motherboard of the PC
and laptop will start giving problems and strike one, this is according to
an US study on hardware and the statistic is correct up to 95% ...

Miss Lim, " Har ?? Izzit ?? why why leh ?"

Me, " See May is mother day mar, whole world celebrating the Mother
day except motherboard cannot celebrate, yet have to work ...
of course they give you problem lah ! Aiyoh.... "

Miss Lim, " 3 8 ! Bodoh !!"

Happy Mother's Day !! Mum, we love you !!!

Sunday, April 11, 2010

The One About The Mountain Bike

A few months ago, went to Ampang and bought myself a very
good mountain bike with disc brakes for front and back.

Tried many rounds around my house area but later put that in
the store room cause recently very busy.

Mom, " Wei ! Your mountain bike buy for what ? No use one?"

Me, " Mam, it has use ok ? "

Mom, " What use ? "

Me, " You see, everyday I hang my jeans and cargo pants there!"

Me, " Damn yeng hor ? I do not throw jeans and pants on floor one!"

Me, " Successful man put jeans and pants on good bike !! "

Mom. " Try my 18 Control Dragon Palm with Olive Oil !!! "

The One About Piano

Yesterday mom suddenly said, " You all should feel sorry about the piano!"

Me, " Huh ? why ?"

Mom, " You all never use and play the piano for months already ya ! "

Me, " No ak, we did touch ya ! "

Mom, " When When When ?? "

Me, " Every day loh ! "

Mom, " Do not bluff ! Young man !! Do not bluff !! "

Me, " No ! Everyday i put my keys on the piano, and put my wallet there."

Me, " Sometimes I even put my letters there too ... for few days ... "

Mom -_-"

My sister, " Ya lah ! I also put my handphone there what ? "

Mom, " See my Buddha Hill No Shadow
Kick ! Both of you !! Rasakan !!!
Kazhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... "

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The One About Leanne

One of my niece's name is Leanne and it is indeed a nice name.

Her mother however always call her, " Ah Leanne.. come here....
Ah Leanne do this... do that .... Ah Leanne.... "

One fine day, Leanne, " Excuse me, mama !! "

Mother, " Yes dear ? anything I can do for you ? "

Leanne, " Can you please kindly stop calling me Ah Lian ???
My name is Leanne !! like the Leanne Rimes like that ok ??

Please do not call me Ah Lian anymore, you want me to
call you Ah Beng ? "

the mother -_-" ......

The One About Playing Cards

A few days ago I was watching some friends playing cards during
CNY and this Miss K brought her little girl along.

Miss K, " Lian, you see my card ? Nice ah ? But you cannot say
what you see ya ? "

Lian, " Ok mama, " and she shouted, " 8 !!! 10 !!! "

whole table laughed until ....

Miss K, " You should not shout out the card no too... "

Lian, " wopppppsss !!!"

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The One About Highway to Heaven

If there is a route or highway to heaven,
this must be it !!!!

The One About Feeling Blue ??

Sometimes in life, things happen. Good things and not so good things.

If a good thing happens, we enjoy it and appreciate it.

If bad thing happens, we solve them and we learn a lesson
from them, that's it !! Sometimes bad things happen and our
mood become low and we show sad face or long face.

No good !! Here are the ways to feel better ya.

The still quite new YF22 had fuel pump problem and there she
goes, the first time up on to the tow truck :)

Reason for refuse to work ? Fuel pump wire loosen... -_-"

Sunset at Kuala Krai, always feel very gray and dark
approaching very fast during sunset, people feels
uncertainty during sunset. I feels directionless.....

But the heat of Chinese new year is gone as the sun
goes down, right ?

After sunset, there is sunrise like below.

Everytime when there is fog or mist in the morning,
it is going to be a hot day !

One of the way to reduce stress, to remove blue and to
become happier.

Go to Zoo and see the poor face of the animal :)

Or eat some chocolate cakes....

Lou Sang and shout " I WANT TO FAT TATT!" before that....

So, why still a long face ? Go out, have fun and make
yourself happy : )

Bring the kids of the family to Zoo or outing,
take photos with them ....

My cousin, " Oh ! Koko, that bird is horny lah ! "

Me, " where where ? "

Cousin, " Tuuuu.... "

Me, " That one not horny, and those are not horn... this owl didn't comb his
hair this morning or his hair cream ran out... "

Cousin, " tipu .... you think i was born yesterday izzit ? "

Suddenly i feel that all of my cousin has grown up a lot ....

The wild cat has become fatty cat...

My cousin, " Yo camel ! "

the camel, " Come closer, i will chew your fingers off !!"