Sunday, January 23, 2011

The One about Pushing Hercules 130 !!

From last Saturday onwards, all the passengers boarding my C-130
Hercules would look at the fuel gauge and ask, " Captain, enough of
fuel for take off and landing ? The Tanjung Tokong incident? No No! "

And i have to reply, " Sir ! yes sir ! full tank sir !!!! " and all of these
passengers would reply,
" Ok ! Cleared for take off ... "

Cause last Friday i was escorting some officers from KL to Penang
and the C-130 did 664 km on single tank of fuel. By the time we
arrived at Penang, we were rushing to attend another dinner and I
scheduled to refuel after the dinner which was held at Gurney
Roundabout area.

Managed to find a darn good spot at the roundabout and parked
the C-130 nicely. Knowing that the fuel of C-130 was really really
low i made some announcement to the crew and passengers after
the dinner.

Me, " This is your captain speaking, we are low on fuel and please be
prepared for emergency landing anytime. "

Passengers, " WTF ?? No fuel ah ? "

Me, " Still got, maybe 200 ml or 150 ml loh... " and we were at the
Gurney roundabout that time heading towards Tanjung Tokong area.

Me, " I am trying to reach the nearest refuel station ok ? You all hang
on there, no big movement, don't breath ! don't even fart !! "

The Passengers cursed and prayed, some even used the I-phone to
write their will. -_-"

After the traffic light near the roundabout we headed towards Tanjung
Tokong and the cabin was absolutely quiet.... -_-" tension...

A moment later, I saw the Caltex petrol station and said, " Oh ! We
have Caltex in sight !! " About 500 m away from Caltex.

Passengers, " Hurray !! Hurray !! We are safe !! "

Me, " But I use Esso and Mobil fuel only, got points woh ! "
About  300 m away from Caltex.

Passengers, " You want us to chop your KKC and throw from Penang
Bridge and feed the Jelly Fish izzit ? "

Me, " Just joking, just joking, I love Caltex !! I love Caltex !!  Passengers
and crew please be prepared for landing. "
100 m away from Caltex.

Engine, " Puttt.... puttttttt..... putttttttt...fffffffffff "
50 m  away from Caltex... -_-"

Me, " Don't worry, there are still a few ml of fuel in the engine and pipes,
let's all shake our bodies ... shaka !! shakaaaa !! "

The C-130 continued to glide and move but the speed was from 50kmh
to 30 ..25... 20....5.... and to a motionless stop

Passengers, " NOOOOOOOOOO !!! gawd damnit NOOO !!! "

The C-130 stopped at 10 m away from entrance of Caltex -_-" and
blocking some Ah Beng's car at the back. Some darn Ah beng sounded
their horn and thought WTF were we blocking the road -_-"

Me, " This is your captain speaking, ladies and gentleman , welcome to
Caltex , Jalan Tanjung Tokong, please get out of the air craft , mind the
cars from behind you and gently push this air craft toward Caltex 
until the air craft reached the Petrol Pump number 11, for your safety, 
please do not use your mobile phone while pushing the C-130 and 
smoking is prohibited because we are near to petrol station. We thank you
for flying Air C-130 and hope you had a nice journey !!! Thanks !. "

Passenger, " @($U%YY!#Y$Y@U@U!@Y$Y##$UI!Y#Y$"

Me, " We thank you for flying with C-130 airlines and push... push...
push... push... we are almost there !! another 5 meter !! comon
guys and gilrs, we just had dinner ! comon push !! push !! "

Passenger, " Captain, please remind me to kill you tomorrow or
next weekend ya. "

Me, " Push... !! Push !! We are almost there... "

Passenger A, " This is damn humiliating ok ? Such a large and expensive
aircraft and how could No Fuel happened ?"

Passenger B, " MCH ! Even the petrol station boss shake his head in
disbelief when he see us pushing your C-130, he said this has never
happened before and this is big case !! "

Indeed, the boss of petrol station couldn't believe his eyes, so were
several of the people who were at the Caltex Station that night.

That is why, now, whenever people board my C-130 Hercules, they
would naturally look at the fuel level first .... -_-"

Sorry loh !! Guys !!

Bad C-130 !! Next time must behave yourself ok ?

Saturday, January 22, 2011

The One About Kam Cheng !!!

新年就要到了, 路旁很多小贩开始卖芦柑,肉干之类的.

昨天去了一档在安邦的, 把车一停, 就很有型的问
:" Err... 老板 !!!  这些橙, 怎么卖??? "

老板傻了一下, 咋傻, 听不到还回答 :" 欢迎光临 !!

我 -_-" :" 喔 !!! 对 !!! 这芦柑怎么卖 ???"

老板:"  来来来 !!!! 芦柑 算你便宜 , 一盒 二十块罢了 !!!"

我买了三盒, 便逃之夭夭....... -_-"

回到家,  跟老妈老爸说, : "  我分不清 柑和橙 lah !!! "


-_-" 万事如意  !!!!!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The One About Mountain and God

前几天, 在和肥婆还有肥婆姐姐到了台湾走来走去
路经一座大山, 大山边有座很大的什么好像佛祖,

我还没看清, 便问 :" 这是什么像? 佛祖? 妈祖?
还是观音像? 改天要去拜拜吗?"

肥婆姐姐:" 哦 !!! 我知道这是什么像来的!!"

我问:" 你知道吗 ?? 酱厉害???"

肥婆姐姐:" 啊不然??"

我:" 那请告诉我答案... "

肥婆姐姐:" 各位观众 !! 这就是有名的愚公像!!"

我:" 谁哈??"

肥婆姐姐:" 愚公移山的愚公啦 !!"

肥婆:" 愚公你的头啦 !!! 明明是太上老君像啦!!!"

肥婆姐姐:" 是咩 ?? 对不起天气太冷我看不清楚!!"

妈的这导游,  100% 完全不行啦  !!!!


Friday, January 14, 2011

The One About 燒島蛋

前几天, 在台北西门町,走呀走。

肥婆的姐姐问:" 咦  ?? 有人卖燒島蛋 ??!!?? "

我们:" wtf bbq ?? 什么导弹岛蛋的?"

一看原来是燒鳥蛋 lah !! Oiyoh !!!


肥婆的姐姐:" 啊!!! 因为天气太冷了 我看不清!!"

过后又说要吃什么:" 无肉鸡排!!"

肥婆:" 无骨鸡排啦 !!!! 笨蛋!!"

肥婆的姐姐:" 啊!!! 因为天气太冷了, 我看不清 mah !!"


Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The One about Coffee and Winter

Fat Lady, " Hmmmm.... darn nice to drink good latte in warm Starbucks !!"

Me, " So darn hot lah in this coffee house ! "

Fat Lady, " It is freaking cold outside, if you like the winter so much, go get a
GF or wife in Taipei lah ! "

Me, " WAH WAH WAH !! Can ah ? Really can ah ?? "

30 mins later, I woke up in the General Hospital of Dan Shui with a boo boo on
my head.

The One About Winter and Grey

Is winter always grey and cold ?
so grey until the photo also come out senget ??

Fat Lady, " Ok lah ! My fault lah ! Too cold, until cannot capture proper photos!"

Me," This is like summer in Alaska only.... "

Fat Lady, " Shaddap already, i heard this Alaska 200 times already...if you like
Alaska or Taipei winter so much, find a GF or wife there lah !!!"

Me, " WAH WAH WAH !!! Can ah ? Can ah ??? "

2 hours later, I woke up in Taipei General Hospital, don't know why....

The One About Taipei Night Market

There are a lot of famous night market in Taipei and Taiwan.
We went to several of these night market and had fun and
dinner and shopping there.

Question is : How do you know that when you are near to one of these?

Answer: When Fat Lad and her sister start asking me, " Oi ! you fart ah ?"

Me:" No ! Not me, it was the Chow Tau  Fu lah !! Oiyoh !!! "

Them: "Oh ! Ya hor, sorry sorry !! "

You wouldn't miss one !!!

The One about Taipei

Was in Taipei a few days ago, it was around 12° Celsius and the coolest
was 9° Celsius with rain ( drizzling ). Wind was strong also.

I was wearing Short Sleeve T-Shirt and my cargo pants only while the
rest of the Taipei citizen wrapped themselves like Bak Zhang like that.

The aunties there, " WTF ? You not cold meh  ?? "

Me, " 9° Celsius with rain is summer in Alaska only !! "

They all, " Waliew !!! "

By the way, is there any way for us to change Malaysia climate
to 9° Celsius all year around ? Is there a huge remote control
that we can use and do that ?

Darn !!! 9° Celsius with rain is TEH FUN !!!!!!