Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The One About Maxican Standoff

Mexican standoff always refer to a few parties that has
weapon (guns) pointing at each other and no one dares to
move nor wanting to surrender.

Like guy A pointing a gun to guy B head.

Guy B has his gun pointing at guy C.

And, yes, guy C has his gun pointing at guy A.


Yes, Mexican standoff does not require any Mexican involved.

A few days ago, Fat Lady told me that she wished to go out
and have dinner with her friends and to have some good time.

Me, I said no problem.

And I added, " But if you didn't come back by 9 pm, I will
start killing 1 hostage every 20 mins start eating
1 piece of chocolate every 10 mins until you come back.
What do you think, punk ?? Want to make my day ??
I sweared I sounded like Dirty Harry for the last few words.

Fat Lady blood pressure went thru the roof and gave me a
deadly stare, " Where on earth did you learn that ? huh ? huh ??
And I
double dare you !!! You don't even go close to that
jar if you want to see tomorrow sunrise,
and TRY ME to see if I am bluffing !!!!

Now, wait a second, that wasn't any Mexican Standoff.

That was something that I learnt from US Movie...

Apanama 101 ways to Ask for Ransom....

... but failed.

Monday, September 29, 2008

The One About F1 Night Race Singapore

Today Fat Lady, her brother and I were watching the Singapore
F1 Night Race and before the race we were watching some TV
host or reporter interviewing the spectators before they go
in and watch the F1 race.

A few good one that I could remember.

Reporter:" Hi ! Which team that you think will win ? "
Spectators 1 :" Huh ? I don't know any team leh !" and
she ran away fast fast .......
Reporter -_-"

Reporter:" Hi ! Which drivers that you support ? "
Spectators 2 :" Is there a Michael Schumacher right ?"
Reporter -_-""

Reporter:" Hello ! which drivers will win you think?"
Spectators 3 :" Mikka !! Mikka !!"
Reporter 2 legs and 1 mic in the sky !!

Reporter terus bo lat, asked one uncle
" Hello ! Which drivers will win , you think ?"
Uncle," Hamilton something... ! "

Reporter," Wheeewww !! "

By the way, we enjoyed the race anyway.

Fat Lady's brother, " Yay !! Can see the safety cars !
Nice safety cars !! Got blink blink lights one ! Can
see twice somemore , damn good race man !!!!! "

Fat Lady rolled eyes and Tsk !!!!!

Me -_-"

Friday, September 26, 2008

The One About The Happy Cat

Time has changed, my parents always say that....

We used to keep a cat or two to solve the mouse problems at the
house but I heard nowadays the cats simply don't work anymore.

They eat and sleep and watch TV and remind you 4 times a day
which are, " Breakfast time, Lunch Time, Dinner Time, Supper Time"
and sometimes midnight snack.

Darn.e Did you know that the cat foods in the supermarket are quite
very very expensive ???

ROI of keeping cat(s) at home = Negative 344% let me tell you that!

See what I mean below ???

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The One About Haih ......


Haih = The sound that most Malaysian make when they are disappointed, upset.Sigh.

Me, " Haihh..... "

My friend, " What happened ?"

Me, " I screwed up ! Very bad !"

My friend, " Tell me Tell me !! " 38 poh pattern came out...

Me, " You see, I knew that the petrol price was coming down.... "

My friend, " Yeah , you told me before ! "

Me, " I went to a lot of places and visited a lot of customer and planning
to get full tank of cheaper petrol tomorrow ( 25 Sep 2008 )"

My friend, " Oh good ! good planning !! "

Me, " Yeah ! Good planning, but last minute of 24th Sep my fuel tank
became low and I totally forgotten everything and went to pump another
full tank with old prices.... "

Me, " After I pump pump pump, suddenly I remembered OH SHIT !!
tomorrow fuel price would drop !!!
Actually 2 hours later would be midnight and the fuel prices would
drop already !!! "

My friend lolrotf !!!

She pointed at my nose and said, " 老猫烧须! 老猫烧须! "

Me -_-"

But, on the other side, RM 0.10 drop per litre.

My F-22 Fuel Tank = 42 litre ( not really empty )

Say 38 litre x RM 0.10 = Only RM 3.80 wasted.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The One About Yoga and Bowel errr..... gas !!

My sister has been doing Yoga for many many weeks and recently
she asked Fat lady to join them for Yoga class. Being wanted
to stay slim and not so fat, Fat Lady agreed.

So 1st day after Fat lady came back from the yoga class.

Fat Lady, " Wah liew !! Very tired !! very tired !! Whole body
stretched like hell and legs and arms very tired. "

Me, " Good good !! "

I was wrong....

A few hours later while I was reading news paper, Fat Lady was
watching TV and suddenly, " Putttt ! "

Me jumped out and shouted, " Gas Attack ! Gas Attack !! Run for
your lives !! Everyone run for shelter !! "

Fat Lady face blush blush, " Soli Soli !! "

Me -_-"

Late at night and I was watching TV another few " Poooottttt !"

Me, " Wah Liew ! Damn healthy farts !! Congratulations !"

Fat Lady, " Yorr ! The Yoga lah ! Yoga Causes Fart Mar !! "

Me, " Wah Liew ! Yoga can cause Fart one meh ? "

Fat Lady then Puttttt !!!

The Famous Kampung Kayu Ara Morse Code :

Puttt = Yes!

Puttt puttt = No!

Pooootttttt = I hate you !

Pffffffffutt = Silenced Puttt !

Probpp proob prooobo put = Puttt with watery sound, deadly putt!


No more YOGA class !!!

The One About Kampung.

Kampung = Small town or village.

Yesterday at dinner the waitress had some conversation with
me and we were chatting :

Me, " Eh ! Minggu depan Hari Raya doh nih ! Balik kampung ke?"

Lady," Tak lah, saya berasal dari KL. "

Me, " Oh macam tu, ruginya, tak boleh balik kampung. "

Lady, " Errr.... "

Me, " I bahagia, boleh balik Kampung tiap tiap hari !! "

Lady, " Yoooorrrrr !! Syioknya ! Mana you punya Kampung ? "

Me, " Kampung Kayu Ara loh ! "

Lady lol with 2 legs in the sky.

Me ? I terus lari cepat cepat lah.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The One About Improvising

Everyday in life we face problems and challenges.

When people face problems and challenges, there are 2 typical
responses most of the time :

a. To whine, to complain, kao peh kao bu, and problem not solved!
b. Improvise and solve the problem, and be a real man !

My friend Gary has a Kancil and he is been driving it for quite
some time. Once his nice girlfriend complaint that the car visor
has no mirror and she can't put her make up and lip stick and

Gary made this for less then RM 0.50 the second day and the girl
friend became speechless.

The girlfriend doesn't complain no more.
Gary become happier man.

That, is a good story of the importance of improvising and I think
every good sales person should be able to do that.

Gary could have complaint or cried like hell or protest or ask
for government help and subsidies..... but he didn't !!!

He improvised and solved the problem , like a real man !!!

Gary !! This one is for you !!

I tabik you very much !!

The One About Whale and Sonar !!

A few weeks ago Fat Lady and me went to this famous Spa Center at
Jaya 33 and signed up some SPA package for her.

At the same time I managed to get the complimentary usage of the
swimming pool and finally had a chance to swim there just now.

The swimming pool is like 30 meters long and it is perfect for a 4 km
or 6 km course. I did a 480 meter only today.

Yeah I know I know... long time never swim already, lost stamina.

But the best thing is that this 30 meter pool has under water speaker
mia you know ?

As one swim ( people or whale or shrimps ) he / she / it could enjoy
the music. Darn !! The world has changed so much !!!

Initially I wasn't sure about the underwater speaker but when I was
near the both 2 side ( end / start of 30 meter ) there was this sound
like sonar sound of submarine in the movies.

I was like -_-" what noise was that ?

I submerged my head and OMG !! Music under water !!!

Darn I am loving this swimming pool very much.

This post might look messy and unorganized as I drink quite a lot
of water this evening and still high at the moment !