Monday, December 28, 2009
mother are also tagging along.
Me, " So, how was your both trip to Genting yesterday? "
Father, " Good, I went and had coffee with your mama. "
Me, " Oh ... coffee ya ...where ? "
Father, " Setapak... "
Me and my sister, " What ? Setapak ? You went Genting right ?"
Father, " Stapak... " My mother spits mineral water at my car window...
Me, " Oi !! Starbucks ok ? "
Father, " Yes yes, Stabak... " Me 2 legs in the sky....
Me, " So , Starbucks, nice coffee ya ! "
Father, " Very nice and price also good ! "
Me, " Ya, nice price tag, what coffee did you drink ? "
Father, " Mark Koh... Markkohhh something .... "
Me and my sister spit the Cokes at car dashboard.....
Me and my sister, " Mocha lahhhhhhhh !!! "
My father, " Oppsss, Moka.. Moka.... "
I almost pulled the steering wheel off ..... Mark Ko pula.....
Papa.. why you so funny one ?
Them, " Nowadays, a lot of kids surfing net at coffee shops ya !"
Me, " Yap, there are free internet access there. "
Them, " Both of us old people sit there and so many youngster, we
looked a bit odd lah "
Me, " Don't feel odd, next time, bring 2 lap tops, each of you open your
MSN and start chatting, and look at the screen and start grinning every
2 second(s), you will mix in alright... no worries ... or you can do farming,
harvesting and even stealing your neighbours fruits and vegetables... "
Them, " What fruits ? What vegetables ??? "
Me, " Never mind... i will teach you one day.... "
Sunday, December 20, 2009
grew up with her in Ampang. And I also joined them to Key Poh and look
see look see around.
There were about 8 of us and we were having lunch at house of Ah Sim.
Ah Sim is a good friend of mine who happens to be Fat Lady friend too.
20 minutes after we started the lunch, the 2 ladies started looking at
their watch and started making calls and SMS.
Looked like very busy with work or some important issue.
After I asked them what happened, they said, " Strawberry whitening!"
Me, " What strawberry are you talking about ? "
Them, " We do farming now lah, very busy ! "
Me, " Eh I thought both of you are in Information Technology one ?
started farming since when ? Which farm do you normally go ? Do you
do organic farming or not ? I have this question about..... "
Them, " Stop ! We are doing farming on-line ! We plant strawberries
and our strawberries are riping already ! Now do you have a PC that
we could connect to the internet ? Else please go play far far away..... "
Me, " WFT ? farming virtually ? "
Them, " Yes ! And now please connect this PC to the internet .... "
5 minutes later... Them, " Oh ha ha !! can harvest already, let me go
and steal some stuff from my neighbour first ... keh keh keh.. "
Me, " Darn ! These people are very strange.... "
Fat Lady, " Ya, imagine that you could grow strawberries and harvest
the fruits in 4 hours time, with no sweat , no soil need and also no need
to water your plant. That is cool ya !! "
Me, " I need to learn about this virtual farming thing already !!! "
Fat Lady, " You don't get addicted to it so much, that my 2 friends
set alarm notificaion in the handphone and google calander ... so that
they could harvest their fruits on time and prevent whitening......"
and ate a lot of hot stuffs.
Ate some fried and spicy stuff , a lot of protein stuff too.
Fat Lady, " Hei ! You all better drink some HIPPO water there ok ? "
My niece, " Yi Yi , what is hippo water ? "
Fat Lady mia sister, " Ya, what on earth is hippo water ? "
Me, " What is HIPPO water ?? "
Fat Lady, " errr..... "
Me, LMAO, " You mean 3 legs Rhino water isn't it ?? Ha ha ha !!"
Fat Lady, " eerrrr... ya loh wopppsss "
Me, " Why not you call that Elephant Water or Whale Water ?"
Fat Lady, " Oi !!! Soli lor !! "
Is that true it is difficult to diffrenciate a Rhino and a Hippo ??
Fat Lady, " Oiiii !! I said enough already harrrr !! "
Me, " ok ok... cough * hippo water * cough "
Fat Lady, " Ka Chaaaaaaaaaa !!! You bad man ! Come try my latest
Buddha..... Mountain...... Non-Shadowed...... Kicks !!! "
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Miss July ( MJ ) came to my place and asked, " Kai Hong, got a few minutes ?"
Me, " ya, how may i help you ?"
MJ, " You see this phone, no response no matter what i press leh !"
Me, " oh , let me see ? "
MJ, " Nah here you go... donno why it freezes leh "
Me took it and pressed Power button for 3 sec, Nokia tune played....
MJ, " Har ? WTF ? "
Me, " Mobile phone need to be turned on first, only it would work.. "
MJ, " WTF ? Which button that you pressed ? "
Me, " Power on button lah ! "
MJ, " But it is not written here as power button leh ! "
Me 2 legs in the sky........
MJ laughed he he he he he and beaten the crap out of me .....
Friday, November 13, 2009
surrounding country. Miss Wei was one of them ...
Today over the MSN , Me, : " Oi Oi ! Miss Wei how do you do ?"
Wei, " I am good, how about yourself ?"
Me, " I am fine here, how are things there ?"
Wei, " Not too bad, work is fine but very hot lah !!!... "
Me, " Need any thing there ? Anything that has great demand
there? Maybe some sand ? I can export a lot of sand to Abu
Dhabi if you want .. Malaysia has a lot of sand !!!.. "
Wei, " ............ "
Me, " I give you a good discount and give you credit terms lah !
want or not ? * run away fast fast "
Wei, " nuts ah ? desert already, still need sand ah ? &!@&#&!&&$"
Damn... i am bored sometimes....
Monday, November 02, 2009
Suddenly I felt that there was some strong smell of gas ( cooking gas ) in
the air and I told them about this....
Me, " eh ! you all feel that there is gas leakage ? "
Fat lady, sniff sniff, " hmm.... seems got a bit, not strong.... "
Fat lady's sister, sniff sniff, " Wah ! Got got !! Strong gas smell !! "
Me, " Darn ! We are so near to the kitchen facility, could that be
cooking gas leakage ? should we warn them ? "
Fat lady still sniff sniff around.....
FL's sister, " Oh ! could it be oxygen leakage from the tank ? "
She pointed at a small oxygen cylinder not too far away from us...
me, " Oi ! Oxygen has no odor or smell one ok ? "
FL's sister," Opppsss ... really ? soli soli !! "
After my brain load some old scenario and old case from CSI....
Suddenly, " Wait you all !! No need to panic already !! I know what
gas is that already ! he he he he !!!"
Everyone, " what ? what gas was that ?? got poisonous or not ? "
Me, " D---U---R---I---A---N !!! "
Everyone lolrotf with 2 legs in the sky...
There was someone eating durian not too far away from us and
the smell of durian when mixed with air , smells so like cooking
What does this mean ? Ladies and Gentleman ???
It is TEH DURIAN season again !! YAY !!!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I was at this Bradley Stairs ( Tangga Krai ) and walking around
when I saw this 38 million years old tree... ok ok... very old
tree and I went to take a few photos of the tree.
The guy selling drinks near the tree :" Eh, sir please be careful ! "
Me:" Huh ? What ? Me ? "
The guy: " Ya, this tree has hantu (ghost) one ! "
Me:" Har ? Are you kidding me? "
The guy:" No ! It is true, a lot of people came and took the photos
of this tree and at night the saw something else in the photo... u
go home later at night and look at the tree carefully and you will
see... teng teng teng.... got something else one !!!"
Me:" Are you very sure ? "
The guy:" I swear by the name of my father, mother and my wife.. "
Me:" They must be using non Nikon Cameras and Lenses.... using lousy
equipment(s) would produce lousy quality of images...
You see, I am using Nikon D50 and 18 to 135mm lenses, all the photos
come out very nice and gurantee no Ghost and Spirits one ... see ? see?"
The guy 2 legs in the sky ....
Me ? I smile and ran away fast fast lah....
And they demolished my favourite wooden STORE !!! Darn !
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Pada suatu malam yang sunyi, dalam bilik tidur,
Si isteri, " Yang, yang sayangkan i ke tidak ? "
Si suami, " Mestilah, sayang sampai garing !! "
Si isteri, " yay yay !! Jadi... jadi... jadi... "
Si suami, " jadi apa ? yang ? "
Si isteri, " Yang, jadi saya bagi you 3 pilihan
a. You belikan i satu Blackberry
b. You belikan i satu Mazda 3
c. You belikan i satu Mitsubishi Lancer 2.0 GTI "
Suami, " Yang, biar aku bagi you kasih sayang ya !!
Tumbukan kiri = kasih
Tumkukan kanan = sayang !! Nah !! Rasakan kasih sayang aku !!!
Sepakan Fut San Mou Yeng Kiok = Cinta Abadi !!! "
Maka pon jadilah polis case......
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Ah Jin: " Eh later want to go One U ? Got Tribute for MJ "
Fat Lady, " Metro Jaya ah ? One U ? Got sales ah ? Mega sales start
already meh ? I want to go !! I want to go !!! "
Ah Jin:" You know, itu Micheal Jackson, not Metro Jaya.... no I am not
talking about Mega sales or Kilo sales... I am talking about my beloved
Michael Jackson who died recently ok ? sob.. sob.. sob... "
Fat Lady, " Whopppsss... sorry sorry, sorry sorry..... "
btw, did you notice that for the past 1 week, MJ's song is like all over
the radio space, and all the Plasma TV, LCD TV at major shopping mall
now is showing him doing Moonwalking ??
Fat Lady, " geeee.... this guy sure could dance... ya ? "
Me, " ya, not Metro Jaya ya ? "
Scenario : 2 lizards went walking on the ceiling of my house, Lizard A
saw Fat Lady naked and fall off the ceiling.
Question : What does Lizard B which didn't fell say to Lizard A ??
Answer : "Tsk..tsk...tsk...tsk...tsk...." and shake head slowly....
Me ? I ran away fast fast man...
cicak besar gila...
so hungry that I could probably eat a cow...
Fat lady's brother is new to the market and asked, how do we ask
people to give us a cow ? in a effective way...
Brother, " Do we say, like, can you pull me a cow ? or tug me a cow?
or bring me a cow ? or should I say, could you please pass me the cow?
hmmm... no good... or should I say could you kindly gimme a cow please?
Me, " Gimme the god damn cow ! " and you could add the following too...
( I am not asking you, I am telling you! )
My another friend, " Why not pig or horse or something ?? "
Me, " Pig is too small and horse is too thin... just like Mars is too hot,
Venus is too cold.... everything else is too far away.... "
My friend, " eh.... who told you that ? "
Me, " watch Discovery Channel lah .... " run away fast fast....
Thursday, July 02, 2009
engkau janjikan semalam ?? mana ? mana ?? .... "
Me, " Oh ! Sorry ya ! This morning in the wash room,
too rush, i flushed them already...... chocolate cheese right ?? "
Mel, " Yeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww !!! "
Thursday, June 25, 2009
when could I visit him.
Me, " Oh I am coming on Friday ya ! "
Customer, " Great great !! So what are agendas ? "
Me, " bla bla bla... oh and I am bringing you 2 HP notebooks.... "
Customer, " Wah ! Wah ! Wah !! Thanks so much ! "
Me, " well, this is as per promised to you last time ... "
Customer, " Dual core one right ? 2GB Ram ? 250GB HDD ?"
Me, " ..................... "
Customer, " I prefer to have Windows Vista Premium ya ! "
Me, " .................... "
Customer, " Got carrying bag also ya ? Waho !! Waho !! "
Me, " HOI !!! I promised you organizer / notepad / lah ! "
Customer, " But you said notebook mar .... "
Me, " a book to write your notes is notebook lah ...... "
Me, " You want me to bring a hammer and chainsaw or not ?"
Customer, " no need no need .... "
Me, " You want me to bring your sales achieved vs target or not?"
Customer, " wah lagi no need no need .... "
Me, " So what else do you want me to bring ?? "
Customer, " 2 notepad only, for writing note one.. "
Me, " Oh ! you are so clever .... 真乖 ！！ "
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Junko, " Bla .. bla.. bla.. bla... bla.. bla.. bla ..... "
Miss Lim, " No lah , no lah not like that... bla bla bla... "
Junko, " Oi ! Not like that, not like that, you understand
or not Kakak?"
Our cleaner lady popped up and asked, " Yes ? Anything ?"
We all suddenly had a shock, where the heck does Kakak come
from from out of sudden ?
Junko, " Sorry sorry, not you Kakak, i was talking about Miss Lim!"
Kakak, " Oh ! i thought you called me and need my service... "
We........ LOLROTF !!!
Junko, " Soli Soli .... Soli soli !! "
Miss Lim face green green......
Kakak = Elder sister, sometimes refer to maid or domestic help...
Monday, June 01, 2009
has to work in Shang Hai recently.
But Ah San hasn't found any job yet at the moment hence was asking
around to see if there is any job suitable for her.
By the way, Ah San could play some good Ping Pong ya !!
So today at MSN, me asked, " so right now you are 上海无业
无赖 无家可归 无国籍 无法无天 五体投地
天主啊啦 东海 海龙王 ?
Ah San -_-" and replied, " I hate you !!!!!!!!! "
Me lolrotf !!!
A moment later I asked, " So , if I were to go to Shang Hai and to work
there, is there any work which is suitable for me ? "
Ah San, " Guard loh "
Me, " I hate you also !!!!!!!!!!!! "
Ah San lolrotf !!!
By the way, I knew Ah San since 1988 or 1989 you know ??
Monday, May 25, 2009
chosen to work from home instead.
At late evening went to see the Doc and took medicine...
Doc checked checked checked, asked me to say, " AHHHHH "
I did the " AHHHHHH " as per requested.
Doc, " Now I want to listen to your lung. "
Me, " ok.... ok..... " And take off my shirt .....
Doc, " Eh eh eh !! Wait wait !! No need to take off shirt !! "
Doc, -_-" "I have stethoscope.... nih !!"
Me, " Wopppss ! Sorry.... "
It was a female doctor....
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
哎不理了 买了再说.... 赶时间....
两天后 回到吉隆坡 把豆沙饼和麻油搬下车.
老妈开门 问道:" 我的豆沙饼呢？"
阿妹: "拿， 一箱豆沙饼 和 一大箱麻油"
老妈 外婆 双双 反白眼............
老妈外婆 ： "我叫你买义香豆沙饼和义香麻油啦 笨蛋"
The other day we whole family went to Penang and spent the
1st of May holiday there.
On the way, ah pa, " Penang Island is always hot hot and hot !!! "
4.5 second later....
the sky turned dark, wind started becoming stronger....
Ah Pa, " oh owww.... "
The rest of 3 days and 2 night in Penang, 70% of the time was raining.
Ah Pa, " wooppsss .... "
Me, " Complain lah complain, now everyday rain already loh !! "
Thursday, March 26, 2009
It would be really nice if everyday, we wake up and we see this..
Would cure a lot of Monday or Tuesday blue right?
Well damn syiok lah Fat Lady mia sister has chance to see all these...
She flies around the world and get paid for that... tsk !!!!
days are quite hectic and we were all quite exhausted .... so my boss
started telling stories and case studies thing....
Boss, " There was this guy who smokes alot, drinks alot and womanize
like there is no tomorrow like that... and one day he totally changed and
we asked him what happened......
We asked him why he doesn't smoke anymore...
He pointed at his head and said, " Will power my friend ! will power !!"
We asked him why he doesn't drink anymore....
He again pointed at his head and replied, " Will power !! My will power !"
We asked him why he doesn't womanize anymore ...
He replied with tears in eyes, " no power ... " "
Monday, March 02, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
about my hometown Kelantan.
Fat Lady, " Er.. how come your grandmother has 2 houses one?"
Me, " Oh cause they wanted to do some renovation. "
Fat Lady, " What does renovation has to do with 2 houses?"
Me, " See, we buy another house to stay, while waiting to renovate
the first house. Simple only mar.... "
Fat Lady -_-"
Me, " There also, when our mobile phone battery finish, we buy a new
set, or when the phone SMS memory is full, we also buy a new set
of mobile phone........ and sometimes when we are talking on the phone,
we want to SMS other people, we also buy another new phone to do that. "
Fat Lady " Ka Chaaaaa !!!!! 看老娘的...........
佛...山...无...影...脚.... Bedebob !!!"
Me ran away fast fast....
Saturday, February 21, 2009
at Ikea Damansara, Saturday, 9:00 am sharp.
I was like -_-" but I kind of liked the Idea.
So I woke up at 8 15 am this morning and started moving to Ikea but was
held back for about 10 beautiful seconds by some cross country students.
Arrived at exactly 9:00 am and the P2 level has only 3 cars -_-"
and I was mumbling " Sure or not ? Is Ikea opened this early meh ? "
And as I was going towards the restaurant I saw more and more people
especially those middle aged uncle and aunty.
I talked to myself. " Maybe they do really open after all " :)
And well, to my wonderful surprise they do really serve breakfast at
very cheap price, such as
Fried Bee Hoon = RM 1.00
Fried Poppia = RM 1.50
Cinnamon roll = RM 2.00 or something...
And the best thing is that, all these came with Free Coffee !! yay !!!
So 8 of us sit there from 9 am till about 11 am, chatting and looking
at our D50, D80 and 450D and lenses hehehehehe
I think I had more then 4 cups of the coffee during that time, that is
why it is 7 pm right now and I don't feel tired at all !!
Darn !! Those good coffee !!
Darn !! Can't have afternoon nap because of the coffee !!! lol !!!
The best thing is that the 2 Makcik beside us brought their own
hard boiled eggs and ate them there. We smiled and the makcik
said, " Good eh ? Can tambah telor sendiri hahahaha ! "
Hau, " We bring pot luck next round or steamboat here !! ok? ! "
We all -_-" tak mahu , boleh tak ???"
Damn, what a happy Saturday !!
No more depressed already yay !!
But when I pee right now, still has strong coffee smell.
apanama FTZ coffee or something.... -_-"
And I think I am still have some coffee hangover or 1/4
high high like that.... hic !!!
and when I was on the way I saw a really big group of young kids doing
some jogging and running near my housing area.
Yeap, the name was " Merentas Desa" or cross country running for the
near by school. Well since there are so many kids running and jogging
and some tired one walking at the shoulder of the road, I drove slowly
and carefully passing them group by group.
There was this particular Chinese boy who look really tired and getting
blurred and he was walking with another few friends in a row, making
him to walk near to the center of the road.
I was driving slowly behind him for a few seconds, and I was really
patient this morning ( Saturday morning, before 9 am, well... ) and
was kind of hope that he would walk back to the side to let me pass.
After 6.7 seconds, he was still very near to the middle of the road.
The Free Coffee At Ikea is from 9 am to 9 30 am only !!
And when I was about to start worry if I might be late, a nice Indian
boy who was running a few meters at his back ( beside my car )
sprinted to him, pat his shoulder and informed him that he is blocking
a handsome driver who is on his way to Ikea for breakfast ... and for
the free coffee ... with unlimited refill .... and with FTZ certification...
The chinese boy had a surprise and moved back to the shoulder.
I looked at the Indian boy's gesture and I smiled from the heart !!
I am so happy today, and maybe it is the FTZ coffee things...
Friday, February 20, 2009
the closer to the end of the day and end of the week, the more
fun there are !
And also there are thousands of way to "yum" or sabotage your
colleague bright future in the company, let us discuss some here.
All cases mentioned here are based on true story and the real
identities of the victims are being protected to avoid any legal
Case 1 : Searching for job in office, during office hour.
A few days ago I was concentrating on some marketing reports
and sales figure and my boss was standing not too far away from
My good colleague came and saw my screen,
" Excel : marketing figures "
And then she shouted.
" Wah ! Kai Hong , searching for new job ah ?? "
My boss not far away , " Huh ? "
Me 2 legs in the sky with innocent face -_-" .....
Case 2 : Go Home at 6 pm:
Office hour officially ends at 5:30 pm and we always go back at
around 7 30 pm or 8 00 pm or 8 30 pm...
Today at 6 pm I finished my report and packed and ready to go.
My colleague asked, "
Wah ! Kai Hong ! Today you work 1/2 day only ah?
go home so early one ???? "
Another colleague added some salt and vinegar
" No lah, not that, you all don't always blame
Kai Hong, Kai Hong has to go home because his car's
light are very weak, cannot see the road if he goes home
late, hence have to leave before dark. "
Looked at me and then, " horr ? horr ? right ? right? "
Me another 4 legs in the sky and " Adoi !! "
I totally love my job !!!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
this Mc D Kota Bharu for a late night drink ( and Sundae Chocolate ) and
Darn it's good to have a 24 hours Mc D in Kota Bharu and downloading the
work emails is so fast , heheheheh....
While I was sitting there with my family and surfing.....
The guy next table, " Wah Damn good now can get free refill !! "
another guy, " Yeah loh ! Refill refill mari mari !! "
First guy, " You see, now I buy one cup of Coke here in Kota Bharu.
I can drink until Gombak or BU still cannot finish..... "
another guy, " Har ? How woh ?? "
First guy, " You see, I buy this cup of coke here, can refill at Machang,
Gua Musang, Kuala Lipis, Bentong, Raub, Genting stop, Gombak and
even till Bandar Utama, my cup is always full one, buahh hah ah ha ha.
as long as I keep this paper cup with me !!! muah ha ha ah"
The friend, " Wow ! You brilliant lah ! Pandai lah !!! "
Me -_-" and continue checking email..... and slurpp on my Chocolate
Sundae... it was really hot in Kota Bharu, I thought.
But it is really great to have a 24 hour Mc D and with good Wifi speed.
I lap Kota Bharu !!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
有点紧张害怕, 是不是遇到抢匪, 或迷魂党??? -_-"
看了看, 没事 !! 便决定教他.... 不然心里会很过意不去.
他问我, 如果要提马币四十令吉, 该怎么做.
看着他提了马币四十令吉, 便开开心心的离去, 还跟我
说了声 : " 谢谢你 !!"
我忽然觉得很 心酸, 也很惭愧, 还很难过到今天!!
心酸难过是因为很同情他, 马币四十块 会不会 不够用?
嗨 !!! 心情还真的很不好过到现在!!!
不然, 以后比较有钱时...... 我们帮帮有需要的人好吗?
真的 !!! haih....
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
prepared some lucky draw things for the client and the sales staff.
There were a lot of gift like hand bags, watches, mobile phone,
dvd player, some ice box ( picnic cooler box ) etc.
There were more gifts compared to attendees and we decided that
all the sales staff could do multiple draw until the gifts are all distributed
One guy got a pair of watches, another mobile phone and some good
Another girl got 5 packs of Instant Noodle ( Branded curry flavor ) and
some guy got a huge pack of tooth paste -_-" and got a watch after
One lady got the ice box during first draw and also got another ice box
during the second draw....
Lady," Yooorrr !!! I don't want 2 ice box lah !! What am I suppose to do
with 2 of these ?? !! "
Mart, " Why ? You can put 2 ice box together and shout " Transform!"
and they will become a good 2 doors branded refrigerator !! "
Mart, " See, 2 doors, here you can put fish, crabs, shrimps, the other one
you can put vegetables, fruits ... good what ? "
Lady, " knnbbq !! Hoi ! Boleh kah anda tolong jangan letak garam di atas
kecederaan saya ???? sakit lah !!!?"
Mart lolrtof !!!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
A friend of mine loves to eat bananas, and he buys a lot
of banana and put at home and eat them as he likes.
Me, " Errr... wouldn't banana cause one to get fat ?"
My friend, " No lah ! Don't talk cock !!"
Me, " I heard banana has a lot of carbohydrate woh !"
My friend, " Have you ever seen a Fat Monkey or not ?"
My friend * win * and munches more banana ....