Sunday, December 26, 2010

The One About 19.3 kml

A few days ago was cruising at highway and noticed the F-22
fuel computer calculations.

It said 19.3 km per liter of petrol. -_-"

Each liter of petrol RM1.90 ( ron95 ) divided by 19.3 km = RM 0.098446 per
km. I was like, no way hozay !!!

True enough, later it went back to 11 or 12 km per liter which is about RM0.15
or RM0.16 per km. This is more like it !!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The One About 7 Inches Screen Phone

Yesterday was having lunch near Bangsar area with client. While
waiting for the menu to come, i was scanning the surrounding.

Next table there was this lady with Iron Lady look , must be some
big shot CEO or VP or something of a huge company. She was
sitting with another guy, perhaps her Ma Chai and seems like they
were waiting for some people.....
and her face reminded me of Rod Stewart -_-"

She talked talked talked and then placed her phone on the table and
that looked like a Samsung Galaxy Tab. She touched touched touched
the screen and talked talked talked somemore.

Her client arrived a moment later and the first thing her client said almost
made me spit my chinese tea to my customer face.....

Her client,
" ZOMG !! Wah hah ha ha ha !!! Wow !! 
This is the biggest phone that I ever saw ! 
EVER !!! Really !!"  this was like a 6 in 1 assault
sentence and each of the assaults was a direct hit on the bull eyes -_-"

Lady:" ......... " a bit beh song.

Must be thinking, " knnbbq ! I spent RM2699 bought this phone and you
OMG OMG complaning the phone big, damn kuai lan lah you ! "

Me -_-"

By the way, i am still using a normal phone and when I place this phone
in my pockets, people does not suspect that I carry a cannon or  an
anaconda in my pocket ya !!

Monday, December 20, 2010

The One About Turkey

Just now don't know why the ladies in the office mentioned about
Turkey, perhaps the Christmas is near and they are thinking how to
cook these Turkey.

June:" The turkey kok.kok..kok...kok....kok.....kok...kok !!!"

Me:" lmao ! turkey not lah !!! "

June:" Then ? How does turky sound like ? "

Me:" Turr tur turrr turrr turrr.... keyy.....keyyy.... keyy...keyyy ?"

June :" lmaozhedongwith 2 legs in the sky !!!! Stupid Kai Hong !!!"

Me :" WHATTT ??? "

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The One About Facebook

A few days ago, some old friends were chatting at my place and we
talked about Facebook.

Hau:" gnnbbqmaozhetong !! i really don't understand why people put
baby face at their profile photo, how am I suppose to recognize them ?"

Me:" You don't know meh ? it is no more called facebook already ! "

Hau:" really meh ? "

Me:" Yeap ! It is called babyfacebookdotcom !! "

Hau -______-"

Me:" Some people even put dog photos at their profile photo woh ! "

Hau:" Well, not unusual, cause nowadays dog also knows how to use
facebook already mah, sometimes cats also, biawak also..... "

My turn -___________-"

The One that you don't KLKK ok ????

A few days ago, a childhood friend sent me a document, saying that it is
Hokkian Dictionary and contains some very useful terms..

Me, " Yew... Hokkian only mar, i have PhD on that lah !! "

Then i opened the file and read thru and fall off my chair -_-"

why ?

In the document, it defines what is K.L.K.K, what  is K.L.K, what
is K.K.C and K.K.Y.L.P  and many more...... -____________-"

What ? You also don't know ah ? lmao ! ok ok ok...

K.L.K.K = Kia Lai Kia Ker ( Walk here walk there ) = lepak..

K.L.K = Kuai Lan Kia ( trouble making child , cocky child )= budak jahat

K.K.C= don't tell me you don't know this one ok ??? -________-"

K.K.Y.L.P = Kio Kar Yo Lam Par -_________________-" ( very free
doing nothing, raise one leg and shaking genital ) lmao !!!

Ok ok, i don't have the PhD in Hokkian, the person who publish
this document HAS !! and I respect this guy !! damn !!!

Friday, December 17, 2010

The One About Good Car for Sale

My friend Johntim has a Good Black Honda Civic for sale.

Asking for RM62,000 negotiable. If interested please let me
know, mentioning my name to him got RM168.68 discount.

I asked him, " Reason of selling your car ? "

Him, " I am getting married soon ! My GF father has a few Ferrari 
and Porsche and those are really seldom used. "

Me -_-" :" Your GF got sister or not ? Can introduce to me or not?"

Him, " DON'T HAVE !! DON'T HAVE !!!! "

Me," Elleh ... "

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The One About My Dad's Super Car

Ah Meng and Ah Beng and Ah Lian were showing off their father's
car while playing at Kayu Ara Playground.

Ah Meng, " My father's sport car damn good ! from Ipoh toll to 
Damansara toll, 1 hour 30 mins only..... geng boh ? "

Ah Beng, " My father's sport car lagi damn best ! from Kuala Lumpur to
JB , 2 hours 5 minutes only.... waliew boh ? "

Ah Lian, " Cheh !!! My father's car lagi bestest !!! He finishes work at 
5 30 pm but he arrives at home at 5 28 pm every day rain or no rain..."

Ah Beng and Ah Meng: " Wahliew !!!!!!!! "

The One About Quite Painful -_-"

Just now went to Petrol Station for refuel and eyes wasn't opened properly...

Ter"pumped" in the extremely poweful and expensive
RM2.55 per liter fuel x 40 liter.

Putih putih paid extra RM 26 -_-" knnbbq@brrrommmm power !!!!

Since pumped in already, boh pian, wanted to try the Brrrrommmmm power lohh...

At highway, me pressed pressed the gas pedal hard hard.... engine no
Broomm Broommm sound one?

Maybe I ter"pumped" in Diesel kottt....

I pressed pressed again, got small car overtake my F-22 somemore.... -_-"

Kenapa Boleh Jadi Begini Kehhhhh ????? ADOIII !!!

SAKIT !!!!!

Friday, December 10, 2010

The One about Green Green Grass

Just now saw ALM and had conversation with her.

Me," I say, ALM, you are riding on cows nowadays meh ?"

ALM, " Oi ! What cows ? I am driving a car ok ? "

Me, " Then, is your car a cow meh ??? "

ALM, " No ak, my CAR IS A CAR LAH !! "

Me, " Then does your car eat grass for lunch? "

ALM is a bit beh song liao -_-"

ALM, " No ak, my car uses Ron95 or Ron97 petrol!"

Me, " Is your car a bee ? does it transport pollen ? "

ALM, " knn ! My car is my car lah ! Why you ask so many
question ? " ALM very Beh Song already....

Me, " No lah, i saw your car, i thought it was a cow trying
to eat my plants , or trying to spread pollens or something
like that, i just worried ma.... "

ALM, " Wopppsss !! I park too near to the plants izzit ? "

Me, " Nolah, your car is NOT parked too near to the plants
your car is PARKED IN MY PLANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!."

ALM, " Soli Soli heheheheh !!! "

See ?? see ??  -_-"

The One About 24 Degree

Yesterday it was raining since 3 or 4 am. When i went to work, it was only 24°  celcius...

Cool !!! I wish that everyday i could wake up in this kind of weather...

The One About RM450 shirt

My colleague bought a RM450 shirt and was very happy cause the shirt felt comfortable
and look great on him.

He walked into our lunch yesterday and without knowing what happened,
i asked him, " Eh !??? Your shirt or you was ran over by a lorry ah ? 
Why the tyres mark are so clear and obvious one ? "

Him -_-" "knnbbq ! This one is the latest Paris Designer shirt ok ? 
RM450 a pop one !"

Me, "Wooppppppsss..... Soli Soli.... Soli Soli.... "

The One About Crabs

This morning, Ah Lian's Mom  ALM called me and said want to ask me
a question. I was not too busy and said, " Please ask !"

ALM, " Eh i ask you hor ! "

Me, " Yes, please ask ! "

ALM, " If there is a race between 2 crabs to see who could run faster,
which crabs do you think would win, there is this Black Crab and 
another one is Red Crab."

Me, " Huh ? I don't know, perhaps the Black Crab ?? "

ALM, " Bingo ! You are good ! But why the Black Crab ? "

Me, " I really don't know leh !! Mana aku tahu ? "

ALM, " hahahahaha....wahahahhaha..... "

Me, " So , why has the black crab won the race ? "

ALM, " Cause the red crab is cooked ! and he ain't going nowhere.

Me spit hot coffee on my lap & ........ adoi !!!!!!

Friday, December 03, 2010

The One About Raining

The other day Fat Lady mia sister or Kath mentioned that she
is coming to visit us in the evening. But till night she hasn't arrived.
So I called and checked

Me, " Hello, where are you, are you ok ?"

Kath, " Oh ! I am perfectly fine thank you."

Me," I thought you are suppose to come to my house today?"

Kath, " Oh ! Because it's raining now, so I didn't come lor."

Me, " I see I see, you are driving a convertable car izzit ? Or
your car has no top one izzit ? Or your car has no windscreen
and windows one izzit ? "

Kath, " No lah, raining mah.... "

Me, " hmmpffff !!! I thought you are driving a Spyder or
Convertable tim...."

Kath, " heheheheh...."

Me, " Stupiak !!"

The One About Paying Saman and Get Discount

Recently don't know why a lot of people like getting
crazy and everyday talking about settling their summons.

I feel very left out cause I have none to settle and
decided to show off a little bit. Muahahahahah...

Read my lips," I am a pro, A pro doesn't get Summons.
Only amature gets Summons."

Or you can drive over 300 miles/h, the speed camera can't
capture you according to Adam and Jamie...

Run away fast fast...