Monday, April 28, 2008

The One Which is Dedicated For Kelly.

Kelly was a good friend of mine back to 1995, we were having a lot
of fun back then, like watching Hot Shots ! together, teaching her
how to do juggling with lime etc. Somehow she later moved to JB
and started working there ever since. Sigh !! Yeah ?

A few days ago she SMS me and I returned her call and asked her
how was everything.

She, " Waliew ! Nowadays going to work in Singapore very jam !!"

Me, " Really ? Cause the guy who ran away right ?"

She, " Yeah lah !! Need 2 hours plus to cross the causeway, like
that is very tiring everyday leh !! "

Me, " Poor you !! Don't worry, you are not alone ok !!?? "

She sobbed sobbed and asked, " Really ? "

Me, " Now I also very difficult to go to work, my house is 4km
away from my office, everyday also need 10 to 15 minutes only
can arrive at the office, you know ? "

She -_-"

Me, " I have to wake up at 8:30 am, and by 8:45 am I have to
go out, else I would be late to arrive at office, and that would
resulting all the nice Nasi Lemak sold out liao !! Very sum tong
you know ?? how sum tong ahhhhh !!! "

She -_-" and continued to sob and sob and sob !!!

She, " Jangan lari you !!! "

Me lolrotf !!!!

Hei ! Kelly ! Take good care of yourself and may you always be
happy there yeah ?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The One About Income Tax Relief.

Today in office we all were discussing about income-tax and some
deduction and relief.

Miss Prada, " Boss, what are the things that we could get relief eh ?"

Boss, " Computer, parents medical, children, spouse, etc... "

Miss Prada, " What else eh ? "

Boss, " Boobs !!! Your boobs !!! "

Miss Prada, " I beg your pardon ? How dare you !!! "

Boss, " Yeahlah, when you buy boobs , you have the receipts what ?"

Miss Prada, " How dare you ! Mine are original boobs ok ?
Walaupon taklah besar sangat.... "

Boss -_-" and me, " He means Books !!! Buku !! Magazine !! Majalah !!! "

Miss Prada, " Oh ! I see !! Cheh !! Sei Hum Sup !! "

Me lolrotf !!!

Boss -_-" and " What ?? What is going one ? "

Oh ! Never mind ....

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The One About 246,480 km

Look at the dashboard of the F-117 a few days ago and found
that this Stealth Fighter has flown over 246,480 km over the
past 67 months, which is about 3678 km per month or 122 km
per day -_-" fuyuh !!!

Thanks for the reliability and always being there for me !!

The One About 子孙根

In MSN today, a friend of mine who is famous for being
Chili Padi , LCLY and 整 蛊 作 怪 也 很 同 时 臭 屁 的!

Jessie Chow Pendek says:

Wong Kai Hong says:

Wong Kai Hong says:

Wong Kai Hong says:

子孙根 = kkc !

* run !!

The One About Warm Seremban Siew Pow

This morning I bought 2 seremban siew pow, fresh from the oven and
had one after my breakfast. And brought the other one to office and
put on my table.

Moment later , Miss Prada walked in and me, " Hi morning !! "

Miss Prada, " Morning , Mr Wong. "

Me, " Eh ! Would you like to have a Seremban Siew Pow ? "

Miss Prada, " Wow ! Really nice of you , thanks ! " and she proceed
and started eating the Seremban Siew Pow.

Miss Prada , " Wow ! So nice ! Still warm one woh ! Thanks yeah ! "

Me, " Yeahloh, this morning I put the Siew Pow in my pants pocket
next to balls to keep them warm..... "

Miss Prada, " Iyeeerrrrr !!!! Woweeeeekkkkkkkkkkk !!
Ptui ptui !! Wooooweeeekkkkkkkkkkk !!! Wowek !!
knnbbqserembansiewpowjohnyhotdogwhiny !!!

Me ? I ran away so fast and laughed so hard till I almost pee in my
pants !!!

Warm Siew Pow ? Anyone wants ???

* Lari !!!

Monday, April 14, 2008

The One About Piglets

Me told my friends, " OMG ! My cousin dog gave birth to piglets"

My friends, " You crazy chicken ah ? "

Me, " Really mia ! Look at the photos !! "

The One About Puppies !!

Me :" Fuyoh !! Why your puppies look like piglets one ?"

Cousin:" lolol ! I thought like anak tikus !? "

Me : " Correct ! Correct ! Correct !! "

* Now we have got 5 dogs at home -_-"

Sunday, April 13, 2008

The One About Police Road Block !

A few weeks ago as usual after work I went to pub and had
fun there and got drunk. I was so drunk but yet I still decided
to drive home cause the pub was not far away from my house.

The good thing to stay in PJ area is that your house is never
far away from pubs and happening places, right ??

So on the way back to home that day, despite the high feeling I
could still able to drive, remember the road home and stop at
red lights and go at green, cool eh ? Who says that I am drunk?

But not far away from the pub there was this police road block.

Me, " Yeah right !! Saturday, happening day, sure got road block!"

2 mins later and the police knocked at my windows and I winded
down the window. I am very sure that I am not going to pass the
alcohol test and hence, let's get them to issue the ticket and quickily
go home and sleep lah ! Damn tired.

The police officer put the instrument over the window and I was
lazy to go out from my car, I just blow hard at the instrument
and wait for the reading.

Me, " fuuuuuuuuuuu....... " blowed as hard as I could.

20 second later, the police asked me, " Encik , kenapa encik tiub
saya mia lampu suluh ? Tengok ? Sudah basah dengan air liur
encik !! "

Me -_-" and nevertheless I got the ticket for being too drunk to
differentiate between a torch light and alcohol tester.


My neighbor uncle told me this story, when he told me the story
his face looked very serious and i trust that this is based on the
true story.

Don't Drink And Drive and Watch That Torch Light !!!!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Maka hatta, Hang Tuah pon bertitah bertanya si Lee Poh,

Hang Tuah, " Eh ! Aku dengar lok nih Kelateh panah sungguh
deh ! Pokok, grumput mati kheging belakoh ! "

Lee Poh, " Yeah lah ! Pasal itu apana kesan Al Maanila !"

Lee Poh, " Atau, kesan Al Fido Dido ? "

Lee Poh, " Atau, kesan Al Fatimah binti Ramlah "

Lee Poh, " Atau, kesan Al Nana? Ali Baba ? Lina Ong ?"

Hang Tuah -_-"

Lee Poh, " Cekap cakap ! Apakah jawapan muktamat anda ?"

Hang Tuah, " Boo.. bolehkah saya gunakan talian hayat ?"

Lee Poh, " Sudah tentu boleh, talian hayang dibawakan khas
untuk anda oleh Ericsson T 28, nipis macam tuala wanita !"

Hang Tuah, " Teee... terima kasih ! "

Lee Poh, " Siapa anda hendak menelefon ? "

Hang Tuah, " Abang saya, James Bondalinggam ! "

Lee Poh, " Ok ! Silakan tunggu... aku paseh speaker phone deh!"

Hang Tuah, " Terima kasih.... "

T 28 mia speaker phone, " Nombor yang anda dial, tiada dalam
perkhidmatan kami , The Number That You Have Dialed, is not
in Service "

Hang Tuah, " Apacek ?? Kenapa boleh jadi begini ? "

Lee Poh, " Oh maafkan kami, nampaknya nombor tersebut
tidak aktif, jadi, berbalik kepada studio, apakah jawapan
muktamad anda.... "

Hang Tuah, " Eh ! Tapi saya belum dapat bercakap dengan
james lagi, macam mana ada jawapan ?"

Lee Poh, " Itu anda punya masalah, bukan saya punya masalah."

Hang Tuah terus 2 legs in the sky....

Hang Tuah semakin cemas dibuat si Lee Poh dengan nadanya
yang serba memaksa dan menghantui jiwanya yang lemah.

Jiwanya yang memang lemah lembut nampaknya tidak dapat
bertahan lama jika diteruskan pergodaan oleh Lee Poh.

Lee Poh, " Hmmm... janganlah begitu !! "

Hang Tuah, " Eh ! cepatlah !!"

Lee Poh, " Taknak ! Orang ni perempuan lah !"

Hang Tuah, " Apa taknak taknak ? Nak kena tampar ni
ke ?"

Lee Poh, " Aku Taknak Merokok ! Kerana ianya
membahayakan kesihatan dan mungkin menyebabkan
barah payu dara. "

Hang Tuah, " PFORBABOH ??? "

Akan bersambung lagi entah bila....

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The One About Teaching A Lesson

The stray dogs in my area has becoming worst lately as the dogs
reproduce in a very huge amount and at high speed.

Hence, now there are a several gangs of stay dogs namely:
  • Midnight attack gang.
  • Daily surprise gang.
  • Bike chasing gang.
  • Making noise gang.
  • Road blocker gang.
  • Rubbih cari makan gang.

    Ok !!! That is a lot of gang x 5 or 6 that is about 40 stray dogs at
    my place. No wonder I see people go jogging carrying stick and
    baton just like a High Ranking General or Police Officer.

    -_-" eh !!

    Anyway, we shall talk or introduce about the individual gangs above
    when i have the mood and time to do so yeah !!

    But this morning the Road Blocker Gang ( aka Kurang Ajar Gang )
    was at work !! They were having fun blocking the road and causing
    the cars to slow down and they RESPECT NO LAWS !!!

    Me old myself, " Enough is enough !! Teach the guy a lesson !!"

    Pressed the F-117 silent mode and the engine became noiseless and
    car become super quiet !!

    The leader dog still stand at the middle of the road, arse facing me!!

    Me " Urgggghhh !!!! " and let the F-117 glide with 20kmph and
    give a soft push at the dog leader !!

    For us who do precise driving all the time, this is small case cause
    we always know how to do this kind of trick !!

    Once the F-117 touched the dog, the dog had a shock of it's life and
    ran to the road side and looked back at me.

    Me, " Hei ! Your grandfather road ah ? "

    Dog, " Hei ! You scared me to death you know ? "

    Me, " Oh ! Really ? I did that on purpose one ! Didn't feel so ?"

    Dog, " You watch out ! "

    Me, " You watch out your arse too ! "

    Dog, " Hmmmpppffff !!"

    Me, " lolrotf !! "

    Shifted to 1st gear and accelerate full throttle.

    The dog coughed in dust and engine smoke and cried.

    Me 1 and Dog 0 !!!

    Me won big time !!!

    * run fast fast !!
  • Wednesday, April 09, 2008

    The One About Trees and Lamp posts !!

    After lunch today the girls at the back of the car felt
    the urgency to go to washroom. " pee pee " they said they

    Me, " Ok ! Let me drive a bit faster, but if traffic jam
    how eh ? "

    Amy, " Hmm... find a tree ! find a tree !!! "

    Me, " Why must you find a tree ? If you are about to
    explode already but there are no trees to be found, then
    how ? Especially at the highway area? "

    Amy -_-"

    Me, " Why can't you just pee at the lamp post there ?"
    ( Me pointed at Phileo Damansara lamp post )

    Amy -__-"

    Moments later, Amy, " You idioteh ! Cause if I pee pee
    at the lamp post, it would get rusted !! While if I pee at the
    tree it becomes organic fertilizer ! Faham ?"

    Me -_-" betul juga !!

    This one is dedicated for those who feels like going to explode
    but stuck in bad traffic jam mia people.

    Muah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!

    Tuesday, April 08, 2008

    The One About 5P and 5K

    I have a lot of friends from Singapore and some of them are very
    lovely one, like one day one of my friend somehow made me
    "beh song" hence I insulted him.

    I said, " You know you all Singaporean has 5 K ? "

    J, " Wtf 5 K ? "

    Me, " You Kiasu, Kiasi , Kia Bor, Kia Boh, Kia Zheng Hu!"

    怕输 怕死 怕没有 怕老婆 怕政府!

    J -_-"

    And then J replied," You blardy Malaysian ! You also have 5 4 P!"

    Me wtf this round.

    J, " You all always Pangsai Pangjio Pangpui Pang Pui Ki !! "
    什 么 大 便 小 便 乱 放 屁 还 放 飞 机!

    The One About Old Lift.

    A lot of ghost or paranormal story/ incident happen inside some old
    lift or old building. Especially when there is no one around and when
    the night is quiet, no wind....

    Today I went to Digital Mall's car park with Amanda and we wanted
    to use the lift, Amanda pressed the button and the lift came shortly.

    Amanda walked in to the lift which already have 5 person and then I
    walked in.

    The alarm went off, and the button " Overweight " came on !!!!

    Amanda -_-" and the rest of the people behind us also -_-"

    I took out my car keys from my pocket and showed everyone the
    keys and said, " These keys very heavy, hence overweight !"

    Me, " Never mind, I walk with my keys, Amanda ! Come !! "

    Then I walked out from the lift proudly with Amanda following me
    closely from behind.

    Amanda, " Wah Lau eh ! You blame your car keys ah ? "

    Me, " Of course lah, I also want to blame the pack of tissue in my
    pocket one, but I am in such a hurry you see ? "

    Amanda terus 2 legs in the sky !!!

    So next time, when the lift become overweight and if you are the
    last one to walk in, tell them the truth !! Tell them which are the
    items that cause the alarm to go off, such as

  • Car keys.
  • Credit card.
  • Pack of tissue.
  • Parking ticket ( a lot of time )
  • Your sun glasses.
  • Your watch, maybe.
  • Your handphone, maybe ??

    Tell them the truth, it's not your fault, don't worry !!!

    * run away !!!
  • Friday, April 04, 2008

    The One About Johntim in Hai Kou

    Hai Kou is the major city for Hai Nan Island of China and my friend
    Johntim Chia is being sent to Hai Kou for a couple of weeks. After a
    few days staying there he reported something funny back to me.

    Johntim:" Here you can choose to wear shirt to take bus."
    Me:" What ? "

    Johntim:" Yeah, it is optional here for you to wear shirt when taking
    bus, I have seen people not wearing shirt when they are in the bus!"
    Me:" What Da Fark ?? "

    Johntim:" Oh yeah ! Here very nice, RM 0.50 you can board the bus
    and go to ANYWHERE that you want. "

    Me 2 legs in the sky !!!

    I am going to Hai Kou one of the day my friend !!!

    Thursday, April 03, 2008

    The One About Healthy Breakfast !!

    When I was in From 2 back to 1992, there was this subject called
    "Kemahiran Hidup" which basically general knowledge about life as
    we grow up and some skills subject.

    In one of the chapter it said that " Nasi lemak is a type of balanced
    food ( or healthy ) as Nasi Lemak cointains
  • Rice ( Carbohydrate )
  • Chicken ( A lot of protein )
  • Cucumber ( Vegetable, fiber, vitamins etc )
  • Anchovies ( Seafood, iodine, protein -_-" )
  • Egg ( Protein and enzyme )

    We all trusted what we learnt in school very much and till today we
    always practice "Eat Healthy Food "

    Let's start babeh !! RM 3.50 for a nice pack of balanced healthy food.

    Fat Lady, " But nasi lemak a lot of oil !! "

    Me, " Oil is good as it protects our stomach from bacteria and virus !"

    Fat Lady -_-" and mouth open big big....

    Me added on, " Oil is essential as it contains Vitamin B1, B2 and B3.. "

    And, " Oil is good cause it moisturize your skin, preventing water loss!
    see my skin ? QQ one , doing doing sound one !! "

    Fat Lady =_=" and ....

    Fat Lady would probably kill me when she sees this, but, heck for the
    happiness of mankind, die die also must publish this one.
  • The One About Guiness Malta

    The original ( above Guiness Malta ) taste as good as ever !!
    Very kao ! Sweet and hmmm..... Goood !!!

    The new Malta Quench taste, hmmmm, very lite and has normal carbonated
    drink taste. For me, I don't like it that much.

    Cause I believe no one would drink Malta when they are too thirsty, right ?

    Malta is for real man, sitting in front of sofa, after taking a warm bath, and
    take a sip and hmmm... that's what Malta for !!

    Beer replacement !!

    I heard it could help grows beer belly too, no ??

    * Going for skipping tomorrow morning.

    The One About 30mm Cannon.

    The 30mm Cannon is being loaded and the firing system is
    being turned on. The target(s) are also are in sight and locked,
    waiting to press the Fire button only.

    Darn, the finger is so itchy !!!

    This time, I set the firing rate to 2,100 round per minute and
    we are using the depleted uranium rounds !!

    Lock and loaded babeh !

    Tuesday, April 01, 2008

    The One About Trojan Horse

    A friend of mine asked me how come his PC has trojan horse right
    not, as he doesn't download files and do harmful things to his PC.

    I told him that sharing USB drive, open connection ( 24 hours broad
    band connection ), surfing prawn photos, hackers and all sorts of
    reason contributed to Trojan horses etc.

    Him, " Then ? How do I get rid of these Trojan Horses ? "

    Me, " Simple, you put in 2 hungry tigers and 2 hungry lions, and
    in no time the horses and cows and sheep would be all gone !! "

    My friend -__-" and har ???