The One About Maxican Standoff

Mexican standoff always refer to a few parties that has
weapon (guns) pointing at each other and no one dares to
move nor wanting to surrender.

Like guy A pointing a gun to guy B head.

Guy B has his gun pointing at guy C.

And, yes, guy C has his gun pointing at guy A.

-_-"

Yes, Mexican standoff does not require any Mexican involved.

A few days ago, Fat Lady told me that she wished to go out
and have dinner with her friends and to have some good time.

Me, I said no problem.

And I added, " But if you didn't come back by 9 pm, I will
start killing 1 hostage every 20 mins start eating
1 piece of chocolate every 10 mins until you come back.
What do you think, punk ?? Want to make my day ??
I sweared I sounded like Dirty Harry for the last few words.

Fat Lady blood pressure went thru the roof and gave me a
deadly stare, " Where on earth did you learn that ? huh ? huh ??
And I double dare you !!! You don't even go close to that
chocolate jar if you want to see tomorrow sunrise,
and TRY ME to see if I am bluffing !!!! "


Now, wait a second, that wasn't any Mexican Standoff.


That was something that I learnt from US Movie...

Apanama 101 ways to Ask for Ransom....

... but failed.

The One About F1 Night Race Singapore

Today Fat Lady, her brother and I were watching the Singapore
F1 Night Race and before the race we were watching some TV
host or reporter interviewing the spectators before they go
in and watch the F1 race.

A few good one that I could remember.

Reporter:" Hi ! Which team that you think will win ? "
Spectators 1 :" Huh ? I don't know any team leh !" and
she ran away fast fast .......
Reporter -_-"


Reporter:" Hi ! Which drivers that you support ? "
Spectators 2 :" Is there a Michael Schumacher right ?"
Reporter -_-""


Reporter:" Hello ! which drivers will win you think?"
Spectators 3 :" Mikka !! Mikka !!"
Reporter 2 legs and 1 mic in the sky !!


Reporter terus bo lat, asked one uncle
" Hello ! Which drivers will win , you think ?"
Uncle," Hamilton something... ! "


Reporter," Wheeewww !! "

By the way, we enjoyed the race anyway.

Fat Lady's brother, " Yay !! Can see the safety cars !
Nice safety cars !! Got blink blink lights one ! Can
see twice somemore , damn good race man !!!!! "

Fat Lady rolled eyes and Tsk !!!!!

Me -_-"

The One About The Happy Cat

Time has changed, my parents always say that....

We used to keep a cat or two to solve the mouse problems at the
house but I heard nowadays the cats simply don't work anymore.

They eat and sleep and watch TV and remind you 4 times a day
which are, " Breakfast time, Lunch Time, Dinner Time, Supper Time"
and sometimes midnight snack.

Darn.e Did you know that the cat foods in the supermarket are quite
very very expensive ???

ROI of keeping cat(s) at home = Negative 344% let me tell you that!

See what I mean below ???

The One About Haih ......

Haih.....

Haih = The sound that most Malaysian make when they are disappointed, upset.Sigh.

Me, " Haihh..... "

My friend, " What happened ?"

Me, " I screwed up ! Very bad !"

My friend, " Tell me Tell me !! " 38 poh pattern came out...

Me, " You see, I knew that the petrol price was coming down.... "

My friend, " Yeah , you told me before ! "

Me, " I went to a lot of places and visited a lot of customer and planning
to get full tank of cheaper petrol tomorrow ( 25 Sep 2008 )"

My friend, " Oh good ! good planning !! "

Me, " Yeah ! Good planning, but last minute of 24th Sep my fuel tank
became low and I totally forgotten everything and went to pump another
full tank with old prices.... "

Me, " After I pump pump pump, suddenly I remembered OH SHIT !!
tomorrow fuel price would drop !!!
Actually 2 hours later would be midnight and the fuel prices would
drop already !!! "

My friend lolrotf !!!

She pointed at my nose and said, " 老猫烧须！ 老猫烧须！ "

Me -_-"

But, on the other side, RM 0.10 drop per litre.

My F-22 Fuel Tank = 42 litre ( not really empty )

Say 38 litre x RM 0.10 = Only RM 3.80 wasted.

Haih.....

The One About Yoga and Bowel errr..... gas !!

My sister has been doing Yoga for many many weeks and recently
she asked Fat lady to join them for Yoga class. Being wanted
to stay slim and not so fat, Fat Lady agreed.

So 1st day after Fat lady came back from the yoga class.

Fat Lady, " Wah liew !! Very tired !! very tired !! Whole body
stretched like hell and legs and arms very tired. "

Me, " Good good !! "

I was wrong....

A few hours later while I was reading news paper, Fat Lady was
watching TV and suddenly, " Putttt ! "

Me jumped out and shouted, " Gas Attack ! Gas Attack !! Run for
your lives !! Everyone run for shelter !! "

Fat Lady face blush blush, " Soli Soli !! "

Me -_-"

Late at night and I was watching TV another few " Poooottttt !"

Me, " Wah Liew ! Damn healthy farts !! Congratulations !"

Fat Lady, " Yorr ! The Yoga lah ! Yoga Causes Fart Mar !! "

Me, " Wah Liew ! Yoga can cause Fart one meh ? "

Fat Lady then Puttttt !!!

The Famous Kampung Kayu Ara Morse Code :

Puttt = Yes!

Puttt puttt = No!

Pooootttttt = I hate you !

Pffffffffutt = Silenced Puttt !

Probpp proob prooobo put = Puttt with watery sound, deadly putt!

Ok ! ENOUGH !

No more YOGA class !!!

The One About Kampung.

Kampung = Small town or village.


Yesterday at dinner the waitress had some conversation with
me and we were chatting :

Me, " Eh ! Minggu depan Hari Raya doh nih ! Balik kampung ke?"

Lady," Tak lah, saya berasal dari KL. "

Me, " Oh macam tu, ruginya, tak boleh balik kampung. "

Lady, " Errr.... "

Me, " I bahagia, boleh balik Kampung tiap tiap hari !! "

Lady, " Yoooorrrrr !! Syioknya ! Mana you punya Kampung ? "

Me, " Kampung Kayu Ara loh ! "

Lady lol with 2 legs in the sky.

Me ? I terus lari cepat cepat lah.

The One About Improvising

Everyday in life we face problems and challenges.

When people face problems and challenges, there are 2 typical
responses most of the time :

a. To whine, to complain, kao peh kao bu, and problem not solved!
b. Improvise and solve the problem, and be a real man !

My friend Gary has a Kancil and he is been driving it for quite
some time. Once his nice girlfriend complaint that the car visor
has no mirror and she can't put her make up and lip stick and
everything.

Gary made this for less then RM 0.50 the second day and the girl
friend became speechless.





The girlfriend doesn't complain no more.
Gary become happier man.

That, is a good story of the importance of improvising and I think
every good sales person should be able to do that.

Gary could have complaint or cried like hell or protest or ask
for government help and subsidies..... but he didn't !!!

He improvised and solved the problem , like a real man !!!

Gary !! This one is for you !!

I tabik you very much !!

The One About Whale and Sonar !!

A few weeks ago Fat Lady and me went to this famous Spa Center at
Jaya 33 and signed up some SPA package for her.

At the same time I managed to get the complimentary usage of the
swimming pool and finally had a chance to swim there just now.

The swimming pool is like 30 meters long and it is perfect for a 4 km
or 6 km course. I did a 480 meter only today.

Yeah I know I know... long time never swim already, lost stamina.

But the best thing is that this 30 meter pool has under water speaker
mia you know ?

As one swim ( people or whale or shrimps ) he / she / it could enjoy
the music. Darn !! The world has changed so much !!!

Initially I wasn't sure about the underwater speaker but when I was
near the both 2 side ( end / start of 30 meter ) there was this sound
like sonar sound of submarine in the movies.

I was like -_-" what noise was that ?

I submerged my head and OMG !! Music under water !!!

Darn I am loving this swimming pool very much.

This post might look messy and unorganized as I drink quite a lot
of water this evening and still high at the moment !

The One About 落井下石 伤口撒盐

话说有个人，即将结婚，便以短讯邀请一些
情戚朋友以便出席婚礼。

不一会儿，他便收到以下短讯。

“恭喜恭喜
成个老亲
从此被困”

请问这世界还有法律吗？还有王法的吗？
这岂不是落井下石 伤口撒盐吗？

The One About Kucing Pipe !!

A Hello Kucing exhaust pipe.

I am so totally speechless !!

The One About AKLEH !!

In Hakka, Ah Lek means a small kid.

It is always norm to see a description of the
kid's appearance in front.

Like if that kid is too darn thin, his name would
be Pai Kut Lek.

If that kid is handsome, his name would be Handsome
Lek.

If that kid has tall nose, his name would be Kuai Low
Lek.

If that kid has a lot of hair, would be Harry Lek then.

Anyway, it has been like 25 years since I last heard
this name Ah Lek Ah Lek.

At Ampang the other day I saw a signboard saying

" AKLEH " and " KLCC "

I was like, wah liew !! Which Ah Lek is so famous until
there is a few signboard putting direction to his house,
and this guy ( Ah Lek ) is as important as KLCC -_-"

And then, I figured figured....

AKLEH's actual meaning is Ampang Kuala Lumpur Elevated
Highway lah !!

Cheh ! Ah Lek and Ak Leh tak sama tahu ? Dik ????

Fat Lady, " Oh I see !!! " lol !!!

Hence, AKLEH = Highway's name

Ah Lek = Kid !!


How about Ak Leh Lek ???

Must be the kid who stays under the KL Ampang highway
loh ! Duh !!!

The One About Another Cold One !!

Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.

Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.

Baby Tomato starts lagging behind,
and Papa Tomato gets really angry.

Goes back and squishes him and says,

"Ketchup !! "

-_-"

The One About Sarong.

So, there was this not so thin guy getting married and his
friend kept on giving him pressure over the MSN.

Friend, " Hi ! What cloths you are going to wear that night?"

Fatty, " Don't know yet, maybe shirt and coat kua."

Friend, " Why not something more special ? Whole white?"

Fatty, " Don't want, wear white cannot eat dinner liao, you
want me starve to dead izzit ? "

Friend, " Aloi !! Eat eat eat !! Getting fat loi ! Nanti cannot
wear coat or wedding cloths baru tahu ! "

Fatty, " Can always wear sarong what ? "

Friend, " Wahh !! That would be interesting !! "

Fatty, " Later the sarong jatuh, lagi intersting aloi !! "

Friend, " Nampak burung sial !"



Fatty and Friend lololrotf !!!


Photos from : http://www.travel.hickerphoto.com/images/bald_eagle_bird_MG0813.jpg

The One About RM 20 and RM 10.

A few weeks ago I found out that the non original Audio CDs
are being sold at RM 20 for 3 pieces at some SS2 night
market.

I pointed at them and shouted, " Wow ! That's cheap !! "

My sister turned head and said, " RM 10 for 3, Kepong and
Cheras night market ! "

Me -_-"

You know back in 1996 / 1997 the price of non original CD
was RM 25 per piece ?

By the way, the RM 20 / 3 was using stamping technology
and the RM 10 for 3 was using CD-R.

Manufacturing cost tak sama.

The One About 28 weeks later.

Just finished watching 28 weeks later at Star Movie Channel.

Just one word, " diediediediedie !! "

* run away ala Zombie ..... damn tiring !!

The One About Adoi !!!

Adoi !! Kelapa sangkut !!!

The One About F-117 and F-22

After many many years in service, my F-117 is finally going to
retire from active services and become under General Fat Lady's
jurisdiction.

Me ? I got a new smaller vehicle, still very much stealth and
could move fast and move low. Darn !! I am going to miss the
7 years old F-117 already.


Fat Lady, " WTF ? I get F-117 ah ? You get F-22 ah ? "

Me, " F-117 better then F-22 ! Ignition part got light one woh ! "

Fat Lady, " )!&&$^^%!%%$$$!#%&**#*$*%&&&B"

The One About Good and Bad Dreams.

I had a dream last night, in the dream I had the urge to go pee
pee and I went to the toilet.

In side the toilet, there was only 4 walls with 1 door and nothing
else, no toilet bowl, no toilet seat nothing, just like a empty store
room, how too pee like that ?? Hoiyoh !!!

This is bad dream !!

Sometimes in the dream, we worked like hell and went thru some
tough time and finally time to eat came, and I woke up !!!!!!!!

That is also bad dream (timing) !


Sometimes in the dream, we ate a lot damn good stuff and enjoyed
to the max, and able to wake up before the bill of food come !!!!

That is good dream ( timing ) lolrotf !!

Theses idea came from the 19 sec duration of my pee this morning.

The One About Flowers.

The One About Many Partitions

Now, my desktop computer shows 13 partitions of hard disk
drive containing a lot of files since 1996 until today.

All 4 IDE and 2 SATA are used up and there are totally 5 physical
hard disk in the computer casing, powered by 1GB RAM and a tiny
mini kini Intel Celeron processor -_-"

That is a lot of files in there, really.

Once there was a few files missing, I sent a team of commando to go
in and search for the files, the whole team of commandos also went
missing till today.

I sent another team to rescue the rescue team which went to rescue
the files, the team failed yet again !!!

It's a huge jungle in there and do not mess with me , ok ?

Kommies : "Nerd !! -_-""

You know who has this much of partition back in 1990s ?

Dr. Foo from Kota Bharu , Kelantan.

I am so proud and grateful to Dr Foo , thanks Doc !!

There are also millions of funny story of Dr Foo and my family too!