The One About Smoke Signal

Your communication technologies is so old that you use Smoke signal
to communicate, and your signal version is Beta 0.12 version !!

Cis !!

The One About 臭男人

《不是情書》
好男人只是假象

From local online newspaper.


收到一封電郵：女人22歲心目中的好男人：帥、迷人、有錢、
忠實聽眾、風趣、體力好、衣著合宜、品味高雅、
時時讓我驚喜、狂野浪漫。

女人32歲的要求：五官端正（最好還有頭髮）、會幫我開車
門拉座椅、肯帶我上館子吃頓好的、聽的比說的多、我講笑
話該笑時會笑、肯幫我提菜籃、有一條領帶、喜歡我煮的菜、
不會忘記我生日和週年紀念、每週至少溫存一番。

42歲女人的好男人條件進一步降低：還像個人、等我上車
才開車、工作穩定（偶而上麥當勞吃大餐）、還肯聽我說話、
聽得懂笑話、搬得動家具、襯衫遮得住肚腩、上完廁所會把
馬桶蓋歸位、每週刮鬍子。

52歲和62歲的條件更低，最好笑的是到了72歲，
10個條件都是一樣：活著就好。

對於男人，年輕女子總有太多期望，卻不了解男人的本性
而換來太多失望。男人追求女人時殷勤萬分、約會時大方
體面、第一次上床時幹勁十足，但是，男人的本性是懶，
等到塵埃落定，就是原形畢露的時候。

朋友的男友看來蠻帥，有車有屋有胸肌，會甜言蜜語哄
人歡喜。住在一起，才發現他小便有時不沖水，滴在馬桶邊
的尿跡從不理會。她在掃地男人看球、她在生病男人看戲、
她在生氣男人看報，直到她要分手，男人還在摳鼻孔按手機。

女人可以列出好男人100個條件，最終只能選擇其中三五
個比較實際的先決條件。經歷得越多男人，女人終於發現好
男人只是假象，回歸現實，要嘛選擇單身，
再不然就降低或減少要求。

表面完美的男人，總有醜陋的另一面，如果有一個男人符合
22歲女人的所有好男人條件，但他回到家裡就變樣，、
小便不沖水、吃飯放臭屁、鼻屎抹桌底，妳會轉身離去嗎？

收到另一則簡訊：“感嘆男人：有才華的長得醜、
長得帥的不掙錢、掙錢多的不顧家、顧家的沒出息、
有出息的不浪漫、會浪漫的靠不住、靠得住的太窩囊。”

其實，有才華的長得醜，那麼妳大可不要看他的臉，多點
看他的文章；掙錢多的不顧家，妳大可請他不必回家，
只須給足夠的家用。男人肯定有缺陷，但也有一定的作用
，女人別只放大缺點而忽略優點，
回頭看看，妳現在的那個臭男人其實算是不錯了。 


http://www.guangming.com.my/content.phtml?sec=920&sdate=&artid=200711021005
（光明日報/副刊．文：戴志強•2007.10.31）

The One About Beruang.

Just now was asking my colleague, Amy to help me with some
calculation formula stuff and she came into my room.

So we worked for about 10 minutes and I thanked her after
finished up the excel spreadsheet.

Amy:" Wah this room very cold leh ! "

Me:" Got meh ? No lah where got ?"

Amy proceed and put her palm on my arm and indeed her
palm was very very cold.

Me got excited and shouted :" Yooorrrr !!! you sentuh saya mia
tangan, you sentuh saya yorrrr !! "

Amy -_-" and 2 legs in the sky !!!

Me:" Yorrr, you sexual harassment sama I yoorrr !!! "

Amy -_-" lagi and pointed at me:" You know ? Firstly you don't
feel cold cause you have a lot of hair covering your whole body,
like a beruang ( bear ? wtf ? ) you know ?

Secondly, if I want to sexual harassment also I will not sexual
harass you , cause you are a beruang !! mueekkk !! "

-_-"

do I look like a beruang meh ??




No lah !! Where got ??


Photo of the bear taken from : http://www.americanbear.org/

The One About Hak Asasi Manusia.

Today in the office, the sales team supervisor went to one of
the shop where there are a few young ladies there.

Me: " Where are you going ? "

Him:" Go to the shop and see my girlfriends lah ! "

Me -_-" and the data entry clerk shaken her head.

Me:" Itu ialah hak asasi manusia untuk berfoya-foya !"

lolrotf !!!

The One About Good News and Not So Good News

The Good News and the Not So Good News....

The good news is that I have more then RM 5,000 over in my
wallet now and it's almost going to explode any second. And it
is blocking my arse to breath normally.

The not so good news is, RM 4,600 of it does not belong to me
but someone else instead.

But hey, look at the bright side, my arse would be able to breath
again, soon !

Knnbbq !!

The One About Katak Bawah Tempurung.

Boys, today we will learn some Bahasa Malaysia yeah :

Katak = frog.

Bawah = under.

Tempurung = coconut husk or outer shell.

Katak Bawah Tempurung means that the frogs that all the
while which has been living in a remote and isolated place.

This frog does not travel to foreign country, watches cable TV
nor possesses an International Passport. In fact this frog doesn't
go to Lot 10, Pavilion or Sungai Wang that much.

Hence this frog has never seen some high tech stuff and
was quite not up to date with what is going on around the
world.

I feel like this frog when Fat Lady shown me these picture
and I was like totally katak bawah tempurung, my man !!






But, I might be the the remote area frog, but at least I ain't
the crazy frog yeah !! lolrotf !

一山还有一山高

本人自认比臭屁大帝还要臭屁，

怎知遇到这个比我还要臭屁的 -_-"

果然是一山还有一山高 !!! 世界真是大！

The One About Smelliest Fart !!

何谓臭屁呢？

而臭屁有几个阶段呢？

且听我说！

臭屁在马来西亚称为 懒屎 Lansi

是说一个人很串, 很骄傲, 很瞧不起别人,

很爱面子, 不知天高地厚, 不知死活,

kurang ajar, cari mati dan lain lain lagi !

而臭屁的较高境界,便是臭屁王,

还有臭屁仙,

臭屁神,

臭屁大帝,

最 canggih 的还有 Lin Peh 我 !!

哈哈哈哈哈哈

The One About Mooncakes !! la la la !!

I know I know mooncake festival sudah lama lalu, but, but the I miss the
taste of these nice mooncakes mar, how ??

Darn !

The One About Don 1

Recently there was talking on the street that there is this new donuts
shop in downtown KL, at some Pavilion Shopping mall, opposite of
Star Hill / J W Marriot Hotel area of Bukit Bintang.

Some said you eat already you would become crazy cause the taste
was too good !

Some said you eat already you would forget about your gf or bf cause
these donuts are way better then your bf or gf.

Some queued 1/2 hour to buy and waited another to pay at the counter.

Some queued for 1 hour plus and found that a lot of flavor has already
sold out and the shop can't produce the donuts fast enough.

Some said you eat these donuts already you will become Superman or
Superwoman.

Some said you eat these donuts already you will suffer amnesia cause it
tasted so good etc.

Moi ? Moi follow the evidence and let the evidence speak for themselves!

Hence one day, moi lighted my cigars and gave Jason a call.

Moi : " Hi Jason, this is A J here ! " and puffed some smokes
to the phone, and the smoke traveled and came out at the
other side.

Jason coughed * barfed * ahemed * coughed and cleared his
throat and .....

Jason : " Hi Mr. Cooper ! how are you doing ? "

Moi : " Just Cooper will do ! "

Jason : " Ok Cooooooooooooper ! How may I help you ? "

Moi : " I heard that there is a new Donuts shop in town yeah ?"

Jason :" Yes mr. errr... Cooper ! "

Moi : " Can help me to get some when you are free ? "

Jason :" Affirmative sir ! "

Moi :" Good ! Give me 2 dozons of those, stirred not shaken ok ??"
and pufffed more smokes towards the phone.

Jason :" Apla you ! Kepala otak engkau stirred shaken lah !"

Moi ran away fast fast....

That was how I asked Jason to help me to buy some cause I
heard that he was going to Pavilion and I was too phobia to
get to those place.

In my country, people always say, " Tumpang the people who
go to supermarket to buy your groceries ! "
kih kih kih kih kih !!

That was the story, now leave me alone while I go and recall
and reimagine the taste of the donuts.

The One About Don 2

As per the tittle, I actually had get Jason to buy 2 boxes ( 24 donuts )
for me, wah ha ha ha ha ha !!!

Since there already, why buy only 1 donuts right ? Buy 24 lah !!

Can eat all you want etc.

The One About Don 3

Take a closer look at the chocolates and stuff like that.
Darn I should have used my Sony S85 for macro shot !

The One About Don 4

It's good to have 2 boxes of Donuts in your fridge and it is like
having unlimited supply of theses Donuts for a while.

Most of them do taste very nice, some taste so so.

The One About Don 5

Thanks to Jason who went there and waited for like 1 hour plus.
I think this one would become Fat lady's PC background for a while.

Ｔｈｅ Ｏｎｅ Ａｂｏｕｔ Ａｎｎｏｙｉｎｇ Ｐｅｏｐｌｅ．．． ａｎｄ Ｉ ａｍ ｇｏｏｄ ａｔ ｉｔ！！

The One About 390K ｗｏｒｄｓ．

那天去了书斩，买了几本小说。

其中一本叫 我和我的土匪奶奶，还蛮可以的
一本书 390，000 个字， 4 至 5 个小时 便搞定了。

肥婆小姐说:" 我的妈呀!! 你真强 !!"

我说:" Abuthen ?? 小姐, 您没见过大蛇大便吗？"

跑之夭夭

Ｔｈｅ Ｏｎｅ Ａｂｏｕｔ Ｂｏｏｋ Ｆａｉｒ．．．． ｍｙ ｆｏｏｔ ！！

什么是书展书斩??

书斩就是一本５０人民币的书卖５０马币,
然后好像很慷慨的打个２０％折扣给你.

然后满面开心的说:" 谢谢你!下次再光临!!"

著：　

１人民币等于　０.５　马币
３５　人民币的书应该等于　１７.５　马币　

Very the good profit yeah !!

The One About Soundtrack Part Duex.

Went to some Electrical and Electronic shop today to test out
some Karaoke System for my mother. Saw a few potential and ok
one and I asked the sales person if he could find me some Chinese
oldies so that my mother can test it out.

My mother:" Good ! You have any Chinese Oldies songs ?"

Sales person:" Yeah ! Sure we do ! Please hold on a sec !"

Me:" Hmm.... not bad yeah ? Fully prepared !! "

5 minutes later the sales person brought back a CD and put it
into the system and pressed play button.

First song, " By Anita Mui , some 1980s song ... "

me -_-" :"hmmm??? "

Second song, " Aeron Kwok 1992s song.... "

me:"har ????"

Third song, " Leslie Cheung , and Jacky Cheong etc .... "

Me, " Excuse me, I thought i said Chinese Oldies ?? For my
mother ?? Hello ?? "

The sales person, " Anita Mui song's oldies what ? Leslie
also is what ??? " and gave me innocent look....

WTF is wrong with the kids nowadays ???

Or .... hmm... never mind !!

The One About Soundtrack.

Have you ever tried to work hard for a few weeks and finally you
know that you have finished all the work and you can relax for the
next few days, and that day happens to be a Friday ?

And try to play the song called " Footloose " by Kenny Loggins.

And you will have a good mood cause your work is done for the time
being, and it's Saturday and Sunday tomorrow. Yeah !!!

Strange, when I was listening to Footloose just now my office
people, and my office Telesales asked me,
" Mr Wong why are you keep on listening to oldies ?? "

Me:" Wtf ? Footloose mana is oldies ? It's a pop song !! "

My tele sales:" Nope , it WAS a pop song !"

Me:" Huh ? "

My tele sales:" What year is now ? "

Me:" Hmmmm... year 2007 loh ! "

My tele sales:" When was Footloose released ?"

Me:" 1984 loh ! "

My tele sales:" Precisely ! A song which is 23 years
old, if you don't call that oldies, what could you call that?"

Me -_-" " You seems to be right, but then those are my
favorites song woh ? "

My tele sales:" I understand, I know, you know why ?"

Me:" Why ? "

My tele sales:" Cause you are old man loh ! That's why"

and she ran away fast fast....


sob.... sob....

Now listening to " Have You Ever Seen The Rain "

Oldies meh ? I think " Lite and Easy " songs would be better right?

By the way, I am not old ok ? I am matured, that's all.

Light cigar and poffffff smokes to your face....

OMFG !! Light cigar somemore !!!

The One About Mobile Phone Lense Cleansing.

We know that nowadays most of the mobile phones come with built
in digital cameras, with very basic 1 Mega pixel until the last i heard
was 5.5 Mega pixel -_-"

Damn canggih yeah nowadays ??

My Sony Ericsson K510i cost me RM 400 or so when I purchased it at
about 8 or 9 months ago and I am still so in love with it. I will not carry
a RM 1,999 in my pocket and end up like :

When walk, have to walk slowly, takut handphone fell out of pocket.

When it rains, quickily save the handphone first.

Everyday take out the handphone and polish it's surface for 20 times,
use your breath hor hor hor at the surface and wipe it with tissues.

Everynight have to lock the handphone in the locker or safety box
before go to sleep lolrotf !!

When go to toilet, always have to worry that the phone might fell into
the toilet bowl.

Yeah ! I am laughing at you, you slaves of mobile phone.

I do have a mobile phone cover ( to protect phone ) a few weeks
ago and one day my phone fell on the floor and everything and every
parts went different ways....

I quickily checked the integrity and damage level of the Rm 7.00
plastic cover.

My sister see already:" Wtf ?? You checked your plastic cover but
you don't care about your mobile phone ah ?"

Me:" Phone is ok, but the protective cover is broken into few pieces
already, sob sob sob... "

My sister 2 legs in the sky and shake head slowly.

Why ???

Me ? I am the master for my mobile phone, I don't have to worry too
much about the above issues, just on and off clean up the dusk on the
surface so that I could see the screen clearly and keep the 1.3 Mega
pixel lenses clean, that's all.

It actually matters if your camera lenses is clean, have a look at the
photo taken by my K510i before cleaning the lenses and after cleaning
up the lenses.


This is before the lenses were cleaned :


And ladies and gentleman, this one below is after I cleaned up
the lenses a bit using my tea
( in the cup at the left side of photo lolol )

You could tell the image quality is much more better at the lower photo
compared to the one above, yeah ??



Key word of the day, " Personal hygiene and Mobile Phone hygiene "

The One About Late Night In Office.

Yesterday night we were in the office working till about 3 am before
we sent off all the reports back to main office off shore and I reached
home at about 3 am plus...

The traffic was clear and it was drizzling all the way home with some
occasional lighting far way in the sky.

It's fun to drive on Jalan Damansara at 3 am in the morning cause
the traffic would always be "VERY TEH SMOOTH" lolrotf !!

This is is one of many time that I had to stay late in the office and
rushed reports for the current company, but boy the differences of
working alone in the night vs working in a group till 3 am is different.

When you rush report alone in the office, you feel darn disappointed
and hopeless and like want to look for a new job.

When you rush report with a bunch of other staff in office, you still
feel darn disappointed, hopeless and perhaps still feel like want to
look for a new job, but at least the time goes by faster and there is
someone there to talk to you and help you, at least things feel
better, a little bit.

But darn the eyes are very tired now, got to sleep early tonight.

The One About Some Air Conditioning stuff.

Was doing some renovation for the new house a few weeks ago
and ordered a few air cond and installed them at the new house.

A few weeks ago, Ah Kok, " Eh Kai Hong, your new house going to be
fully air conditioned or not ? "

Me:" Oh no lah, only master bed room, second room, third room and
living room has air cond only, kitchen doesn't have air cond. Not
fully air conditioned. "

Ah Kok, " Pukimek ! If this is not called fully air conditioned then what
is ? You want to install air cond at toilet too izzit ?? izzit ?? "

Me:" he he he, no lah no lah.... soli loh i don't know mar ! "

Ah Kok 2 legs in the sky.

Well, anyway, these few units of air cond cost me about 7K to 8K
including labour and everything. But ada credit term one lolol !!

Better fix these air cond first then to hack the wall again and drill holes
again after I move in right ??

Anyway, I still don't agree that my house is fully air conditioned, nope!!

The One About The James Bond Car ??

A few days ago I saw the above car near Damansara and I was like
-_-" huh ??

Me:" Wah what car model is this ?? "

My sister: " You don't know meh ? Don't lie ! "

Me:" This seems like the Mitsubishi latest sedan with 2.0 litre
turbo and all time 4 wheel drive with about 280 Hp. There is
this new type spoiler ( below the car type ) and above the back
wind screen type so the wind could move away and keep the
car stablized at the same time. Must be some nice car ! '

My sister:" Could you be less sarcastic or not ? "

Me:" What ?? I thought the 4 black stuff at the left and
right of the car antenna above the car back windscreen are
missiles like the James Bond car, don't know will tembak
us or not ?? "

My sister 2 legs in the sky and shouted:" It's a Waja lah ! "

Me:" Yeah meh ?? Don't lie, it says Mitsubishi ok ??? You think
I don't know anything about cars izzit ?? "

My sister strangled herself with her hair.

Me lolrotf !!! Mitsubishi yeah ?? 2.0 liter yeah ? DOHC yeah??
All time 4 wheel drive yeah ??

* run away....