Suatu hari, Jess , " Oh ! Kai Hong, you sudah kurus ! "
Me, " Wah ! Bagus bagus, thank you thank you... "
Jess, " I mean, you punya siku agak kurus ..... "
Me, " Fat San Mou Yeng Kiok !!!! Jangan lari !!!! "
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The One About Kasih Sayng Part II
Pada suatu malam yang sunyi, dalam bilik tidur,
Si isteri, " Yang, yang sayangkan i ke tidak ? "
Si suami, " Mestilah, sayang sampai garing !! "
Si isteri, " yay yay !! Jadi... jadi... jadi... "
Si suami, " jadi apa ? yang ? "
Si isteri, " Yang, jadi saya bagi you 3 pilihan
a. You belikan i satu Blackberry
b. You belikan i satu Mazda 3
c. You belikan i satu Mitsubishi Lancer 2.0 GTI "
Suami, " Yang, biar aku bagi you kasih sayang ya !!
Tumbukan kiri = kasih
Tumkukan kanan = sayang !! Nah !! Rasakan kasih sayang aku !!!
Sepakan Fut San Mou Yeng Kiok = Cinta Abadi !!! "
Maka pon jadilah polis case......
Sunday, July 05, 2009
The One About MJ
Last week during breakfast with my Chung Hwa 95 gang at some dim
sum shop...
Ah Jin: " Eh later want to go One U ? Got Tribute for MJ "
Fat Lady, " Metro Jaya ah ? One U ? Got sales ah ? Mega sales start
already meh ? I want to go !! I want to go !!! "
Ah Jin:" You know, itu Micheal Jackson, not Metro Jaya.... no I am not
talking about Mega sales or Kilo sales... I am talking about my beloved
Michael Jackson who died recently ok ? sob.. sob.. sob... "
Fat Lady, " Whopppsss... sorry sorry, sorry sorry..... "
btw, did you notice that for the past 1 week, MJ's song is like all over
the radio space, and all the Plasma TV, LCD TV at major shopping mall
now is showing him doing Moonwalking ??
Fat Lady, " geeee.... this guy sure could dance... ya ? "
Me, " ya, not Metro Jaya ya ? "
sum shop...
Ah Jin: " Eh later want to go One U ? Got Tribute for MJ "
Fat Lady, " Metro Jaya ah ? One U ? Got sales ah ? Mega sales start
already meh ? I want to go !! I want to go !!! "
Ah Jin:" You know, itu Micheal Jackson, not Metro Jaya.... no I am not
talking about Mega sales or Kilo sales... I am talking about my beloved
Michael Jackson who died recently ok ? sob.. sob.. sob... "
Fat Lady, " Whopppsss... sorry sorry, sorry sorry..... "
btw, did you notice that for the past 1 week, MJ's song is like all over
the radio space, and all the Plasma TV, LCD TV at major shopping mall
now is showing him doing Moonwalking ??
Fat Lady, " geeee.... this guy sure could dance... ya ? "
Me, " ya, not Metro Jaya ya ? "
The One About 2 lizards
Scenario : 2 lizards went walking on the ceiling of my house, Lizard A
saw Fat Lady naked and fall off the ceiling.
Question : What does Lizard B which didn't fell say to Lizard A ??
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
Answer : "Tsk..tsk...tsk...tsk...tsk...." and shake head slowly....
Me ? I ran away fast fast man...
cicak besar gila...
The One About I could eat a cow....
A few days I was so hungry in the office that I told people that was
so hungry that I could probably eat a cow...
Fat lady's brother is new to the market and asked, how do we ask
people to give us a cow ? in a effective way...
Brother, " Do we say, like, can you pull me a cow ? or tug me a cow?
or bring me a cow ? or should I say, could you please pass me the cow?
hmmm... no good... or should I say could you kindly gimme a cow please?
Me, " Gimme the god damn cow ! " and you could add the following too...
( I am not asking you, I am telling you! )
My another friend, " Why not pig or horse or something ?? "
Me, " Pig is too small and horse is too thin... just like Mars is too hot,
Venus is too cold.... everything else is too far away.... "
My friend, " eh.... who told you that ? "
Me, " watch Discovery Channel lah .... " run away fast fast....
so hungry that I could probably eat a cow...
Fat lady's brother is new to the market and asked, how do we ask
people to give us a cow ? in a effective way...
Brother, " Do we say, like, can you pull me a cow ? or tug me a cow?
or bring me a cow ? or should I say, could you please pass me the cow?
hmmm... no good... or should I say could you kindly gimme a cow please?
Me, " Gimme the god damn cow ! " and you could add the following too...
( I am not asking you, I am telling you! )
My another friend, " Why not pig or horse or something ?? "
Me, " Pig is too small and horse is too thin... just like Mars is too hot,
Venus is too cold.... everything else is too far away.... "
My friend, " eh.... who told you that ? "
Me, " watch Discovery Channel lah .... " run away fast fast....
Thursday, July 02, 2009
The One About Cheese Cakes....
This morning, Mel, " Wei ! Kai Hong, mana aku mia cheese cake yang
engkau janjikan semalam ?? mana ? mana ?? .... "
Me, " Oh ! Sorry ya ! This morning in the wash room,
too rush, i flushed them already...... chocolate cheese right ?? "
Mel, " Yeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww !!! "
engkau janjikan semalam ?? mana ? mana ?? .... "
Me, " Oh ! Sorry ya ! This morning in the wash room,
too rush, i flushed them already...... chocolate cheese right ?? "
Mel, " Yeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww !!! "
Thursday, June 25, 2009
The One About Two Cores Two Cores !!!
Yesterday a customer of mine was calling me and asking
when could I visit him.
Me, " Oh I am coming on Friday ya ! "
Customer, " Great great !! So what are agendas ? "
Me, " bla bla bla... oh and I am bringing you 2 HP notebooks.... "
Customer, " Wah ! Wah ! Wah !! Thanks so much ! "
Me, " well, this is as per promised to you last time ... "
Customer, " Dual core one right ? 2GB Ram ? 250GB HDD ?"
Me, " ..................... "
Customer, " I prefer to have Windows Vista Premium ya ! "
Me, " .................... "
Customer, " Got carrying bag also ya ? Waho !! Waho !! "
Me, " HOI !!! I promised you organizer / notepad / lah ! "
Customer, " But you said notebook mar .... "
Me, " a book to write your notes is notebook lah ...... "
Me, " You want me to bring a hammer and chainsaw or not ?"
Customer, " no need no need .... "
Me, " You want me to bring your sales achieved vs target or not?"
Customer, " wah lagi no need no need .... "
Me, " So what else do you want me to bring ?? "
Customer, " 2 notepad only, for writing note one.. "
Me, " Oh ! you are so clever .... 真乖 ！！ "
when could I visit him.
Me, " Oh I am coming on Friday ya ! "
Customer, " Great great !! So what are agendas ? "
Me, " bla bla bla... oh and I am bringing you 2 HP notebooks.... "
Customer, " Wah ! Wah ! Wah !! Thanks so much ! "
Me, " well, this is as per promised to you last time ... "
Customer, " Dual core one right ? 2GB Ram ? 250GB HDD ?"
Me, " ..................... "
Customer, " I prefer to have Windows Vista Premium ya ! "
Me, " .................... "
Customer, " Got carrying bag also ya ? Waho !! Waho !! "
Me, " HOI !!! I promised you organizer / notepad / lah ! "
Customer, " But you said notebook mar .... "
Me, " a book to write your notes is notebook lah ...... "
Me, " You want me to bring a hammer and chainsaw or not ?"
Customer, " no need no need .... "
Me, " You want me to bring your sales achieved vs target or not?"
Customer, " wah lagi no need no need .... "
Me, " So what else do you want me to bring ?? "
Customer, " 2 notepad only, for writing note one.. "
Me, " Oh ! you are so clever .... 真乖 ！！ "
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The One About Kakak....
Yesterday in office while having a discussion....
Junko, " Bla .. bla.. bla.. bla... bla.. bla.. bla ..... "
Miss Lim, " No lah , no lah not like that... bla bla bla... "
Junko, " Oi ! Not like that, not like that, you understand
or not Kakak?"
Our cleaner lady popped up and asked, " Yes ? Anything ?"
We all suddenly had a shock, where the heck does Kakak come
from from out of sudden ?
Junko, " Sorry sorry, not you Kakak, i was talking about Miss Lim!"
Kakak, " Oh ! i thought you called me and need my service... "
We........ LOLROTF !!!
Junko, " Soli Soli .... Soli soli !! "
Miss Lim face green green......
Kakak = Elder sister, sometimes refer to maid or domestic help...
Junko, " Bla .. bla.. bla.. bla... bla.. bla.. bla ..... "
Miss Lim, " No lah , no lah not like that... bla bla bla... "
Junko, " Oi ! Not like that, not like that, you understand
or not Kakak?"
Our cleaner lady popped up and asked, " Yes ? Anything ?"
We all suddenly had a shock, where the heck does Kakak come
from from out of sudden ?
Junko, " Sorry sorry, not you Kakak, i was talking about Miss Lim!"
Kakak, " Oh ! i thought you called me and need my service... "
We........ LOLROTF !!!
Junko, " Soli Soli .... Soli soli !! "
Miss Lim face green green......
Kakak = Elder sister, sometimes refer to maid or domestic help...
Monday, June 01, 2009
The One About Shang Hai San
My friend Ah San follows the husband to Shang Hai cause the husband
has to work in Shang Hai recently.
But Ah San hasn't found any job yet at the moment hence was asking
around to see if there is any job suitable for her.
By the way, Ah San could play some good Ping Pong ya !!
So today at MSN, me asked, " so right now you are 上海无业
无赖 无家可归 无国籍 无法无天 五体投地
天主啊啦 东海 海龙王 ?
Ah San -_-" and replied, " I hate you !!!!!!!!! "
Me lolrotf !!!
A moment later I asked, " So , if I were to go to Shang Hai and to work
there, is there any work which is suitable for me ? "
Ah San, " Guard loh "
Me, " I hate you also !!!!!!!!!!!! "
Ah San lolrotf !!!
By the way, I knew Ah San since 1988 or 1989 you know ??
has to work in Shang Hai recently.
But Ah San hasn't found any job yet at the moment hence was asking
around to see if there is any job suitable for her.
By the way, Ah San could play some good Ping Pong ya !!
So today at MSN, me asked, " so right now you are 上海无业
无赖 无家可归 无国籍 无法无天 五体投地
天主啊啦 东海 海龙王 ?
Ah San -_-" and replied, " I hate you !!!!!!!!! "
Me lolrotf !!!
A moment later I asked, " So , if I were to go to Shang Hai and to work
there, is there any work which is suitable for me ? "
Ah San, " Guard loh "
Me, " I hate you also !!!!!!!!!!!! "
Ah San lolrotf !!!
By the way, I knew Ah San since 1988 or 1989 you know ??
Monday, May 25, 2009
The One About MC
Was having bad cough this morning and din't go into office and
chosen to work from home instead.
At late evening went to see the Doc and took medicine...
Doc checked checked checked, asked me to say, " AHHHHH "
I did the " AHHHHHH " as per requested.
Doc, " Now I want to listen to your lung. "
Me, " ok.... ok..... " And take off my shirt .....
Doc, " Eh eh eh !! Wait wait !! No need to take off shirt !! "
Doc, -_-" "I have stethoscope.... nih !!"
Me, " Wopppss ! Sorry.... "
It was a female doctor....
* lari
chosen to work from home instead.
At late evening went to see the Doc and took medicine...
Doc checked checked checked, asked me to say, " AHHHHH "
I did the " AHHHHHH " as per requested.
Doc, " Now I want to listen to your lung. "
Me, " ok.... ok..... " And take off my shirt .....
Doc, " Eh eh eh !! Wait wait !! No need to take off shirt !! "
Doc, -_-" "I have stethoscope.... nih !!"
Me, " Wopppss ! Sorry.... "
It was a female doctor....
* lari
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The one about I don't know how to say it.....
阿妹要去槟城, 问道:"有什么出名的好料要买吗??"
老妈:" 买一箱豆沙饼"
外婆:" 买一箱麻油"
阿妹头昏昏......
一箱豆沙饼, 好像太少了.....
买一箱麻油, 又好像太多了.....
哎不理了 买了再说.... 赶时间....
两天后 回到吉隆坡 把豆沙饼和麻油搬下车.
老妈开门 问道:" 我的豆沙饼呢？"
阿妹: "拿， 一箱豆沙饼 和 一大箱麻油"
老妈 外婆 双双 反白眼............
老妈外婆 ： "我叫你买义香豆沙饼和义香麻油啦 笨蛋"
一箱麻油要吃到几百年呢？
天
The One About Unknown Plant
Fat Lady asked, " what the heck is this ? "
Me, " I don't know, you took the photo, and ask me back ? "
Fat Lady, " yaloh yaloh !!"
The One About Spagatha !!!!
My father calls this " Spagathaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !! "
Me, " Spaghetti lah...... "
The One About Pling Pang Pong
The other day we whole family went to Penang and spent the
1st of May holiday there.
On the way, ah pa, " Penang Island is always hot hot and hot !!! "
4.5 second later....
the sky turned dark, wind started becoming stronger....
Ah Pa, " oh owww.... "
The rest of 3 days and 2 night in Penang, 70% of the time was raining.
Ah Pa, " wooppsss .... "
Me, " Complain lah complain, now everyday rain already loh !! "
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