The One About Military Training

A team of Soldier were having survivor training in Singapore forest
and they haven't got the chance to take bath for 2 weeks already,
and everyone feels their underwear is full of oil, grease and stain
already.

3rd week the Sargent came with a huge bag and announced
" Good news ! You all can change underwear already today !! "

The soldiers were so happy and some cried with happy tears.




Then the Sargent said, " Now, Ali , you change with Ah beng !"

" Ah Beng, yours give to Muthu ! "

" Muthu, yours give to Ali !"

Buahhahahahahahha..... their wishes came true !!!

The One About Love, Caring and Kasih Sayang !!

* Warning !! Do Not Apply This Imagination Pieces to real Life !! *
***************************************************************


A few days ago a friend of mine was complaining to me that one of
her family members is very nasty, acting cocky and obviously doesn't
respect the seniors etc.

And they mumbled for the whole night and asked me what solutions
that I have. Being the wisdom one in the group the ladies came and
consult me.

Them, " What should we do ? We ran out of ideas already !! "

Me, " God told us to have Love ! Be Caring !! Ada Kasih Sayang !!!!"

Them, " But how ? Can you be more specific please? "

Me, " That is so simple, but never mind, learn step by step yeah !! "

Them with tears in their eyes,
" ok ok ! Please enlighten us ! Pls teach us !! We Appreciate that!"

Me, " When you see the person , you slap her twice on the face so hard
that her unborn children will come out well educated !! "

" Then you tie her to using duck tape to the chair and put my socks
into her mouth !!! And then use the 1,000,000 lumen spot light and
beam on her face and ask,
" Do you feel lucky ? Punk ?" hmmm ?? Hmmm ?? "

The girls protested,
" Where got use Love, Caring and Kasih Sayang like that ?"

Me, " Oh ! My left palm is called Love, and right palm is called Caring,
and my socks brand is Kasih Sayang brand, boleh ah ? all used what? "

They 2 legs in the sky but at the same time they answer, " Yeah loh hor!"

Me claps hand and walk slowly into sun set.....

The One About Rainy Langkawi

We stayed 3 days 2 night in Langkawi and out of 3 days, 2 days were
raining, the sky was gray and dark.

Suddenly the feeling of 1995 came back -_-"

Yeah 1995, just after the SPM, Kelantan was having Monsoon rain,
and it rained and rained and rained.

We had no direction back then, STPM ? College ? Study in KL ? Study
in US ?? Parents were busy working and no one was around.

Conclusion of 1995 rainy season = Lost + Blur !!

Basically, rainy days remind me of all these, even in Langkawi.

Hence I decided to drive and drive and drive. From Kuah to
Tanjung Rhu and then back to Telaga Habor and it was really
like in Kelantan.

Trunk road, heavy rain, slippery road surface, village , trees.

2008 could be very similar to 1995 sometimes.....

The One About RM 180 for 3 days

We rented this Black Nissan Sentra 1.6 Auto ( Basic ) for RM 180
for 3 days 2 night ( fuel not included ).

Hence the first thing we did was to rush to pump fuel for this
bebeh !!!

It's good to visit Langkawi during Super Low Season !!

We went to Kuah town cause I used to think that place was
happening. But OMGBBQ !!! It was more like a ghost town
according to someone.

A lot of restaurant door wide open, brightly lit and only 1
table with people, and those people were the cook and the
shop owner !!!

The One About Trees !!

See ? The whole hotel and resort was built within the
thick forest and the preservation of the trees were
quite good.

Trees were everywhere and I enjoyed to the max, sometimes
i wonder, my past life, I think I was a Gorilla or something.

Darn Green eh !!

The One About Over Slept

Because of the constant raining in Langkawi, I had some really good
rest and slept for non stop in Langkawi , and the hotel room was
surrounded by huge trees and the raindrops sound was non stop.

Woke up at 10 am and darn , missed the hotel breakfast !!!

So we went to Telaga Harbor for breakfast .

RM 60 for everyhting, the best Macaroni and Cheese that I have ever
tried !! RM 15 for the Macaroni, a must try !

And the view, nice !!!

The One About Cicak Besar !!

At the hotel that we stayed in Langkawi, it was within the forest
and we were surrounded by a thick layer of rain forest trees.

When we went out for dinner first night....

Fat Lady, " Wow ! Tengok ! Cicak yang teramat besar !"

Me without looking, " Eh ! That one is called decoration lah !"

Fat Lady, " But ! Its moving woh ! "

Me , " Huh ?? Walauwei ! Cicak Gergasi !! "

* ran away fast fast, i mean both the cicak and us ran away fast fast.

There were actually 2 of these lizards which stayed at the wood
beam to eat the insects around the lights.

Decoration ? Decoration my food lah !! Fat Lady said....

The One About Langkawi View

Langkawi, i was there 2 weeks ago and out of 3 days there
2 days was raining occasionally ala cats and dogs -_-".

However, I had some really good rest there and appreciated
the good air, nice scenery and good air there.

And boy !! Cows and buffalo are everywhere !!!

The One About Can't Notice -_-"

Today in the office I was talking to a colleague and she
asked me back, " Are you talking to me ? "

Me -_-" yes of course lah ! Yorrrr !!!

She, " Sorry Kai Hong cause your eyes are so small that
I can't notice if you are looking at me or not "

Another colleague joint and said, " Yeah yeah !! Kai Hong you
please don't smile yeah, if you smile, your eyes even more
smaller, we call that total goner !! "

Me, " Hoi !! "

Them both , " But you are still very cute anyway "

Me -_-""

The One About Facts No 5883

俗语说得对 !!

对流血一周仍然不死的动物, 千万不能大意!!

逃之夭夭

The One About Some Comics...

问答题：
*******

问：什么是浪漫
答：明知她不爱你 但你还是送她 100 朵玫瑰花

问：那什么是浪费
答：明知她已经爱你 但你还是照样送她 100 朵玫瑰花
-_-"


*******************************************

问：听说有个女孩差点为你而自杀对吗?
答：对呀!

问：为什么??
答：她说她宁愿死也不要嫁个我 !!

-_-""

The One About Philips's Day Out

It was 2nd day of Hari Raya Holiday and I was staying at Fat Lady's
Ampang command center before that.

So in the morning I told the team that I am bringing them to a nearby
water falls.

The team ( Fat Lady + 2 brothers ) :" Huh ? Near Ampang got water falls
one meh ? "

I said, " Yes indeed, it has ! "

The team, " Don't make out story ok ? We stayed here 30 years and never
heard that there is water falls near here !! We know you are the KOB in
town man !!"

* KOB = King of Bluffing -_-"

I replied, " Just wait and see ! And get into F 22 right now !!"

The team was still skeptical but did as what I ordered.

A few moments later we arrived at the entrance and WAHLIEW !!!




I have never seen so many cars at this water falls area before ! It was like
endless of cars and people.

In Mandarin, this is called People Mountain People Sea.

Definition of People Mountain People Sea, please see the below photo.....

As many people as mountain and as many people as car indeed eh !!


Fat Lady -_-" :" OH ! Really got water falls here woh ! and look there
is a friend of mine here ! "

Fat Lady's friend, " Eh Fat Lady you also come here because of China
Press report and suggest this place for Picnic ah ? "

Me, " Wtf ? This place was featured by China Press ah ? Habis lah this
time !! "

Basically people were everywhere and OMG !!!



Waterfall In My Imagination WAS like the below :






But the Actual Waterfall On 2nd Oct 2008 looked like this -_-"




But hey, it was holiday and it was indeed a good place to visit, and
I am sure there are a lot of loving and caring people like me who
love to bring their family and love one to a cool place.

Just only this time, too many loving people, too little space at
the waterfall.

Next time, I am going to visit this waterfall during weekdays and
non public holiday.

By the way, I lost about 500 to 800 ml of body fluid in sweat when
climbing up and down and for the past few hours of that. Yay !!

No need to go to gym !!! lolrotf !!

The One About F 22 Instrument Panel

Being a machine which cost more then F-117, this new F-22's instrument
panel seems to be very simple, but well lighted.

Since mid Jul 2008 till now, already 6300 km done -_-"

and that converts to about RM 1260 worth of fuel burnt and gone with
the wind.

Darn!!

The One About Maxican Standoff

Mexican standoff always refer to a few parties that has
weapon (guns) pointing at each other and no one dares to
move nor wanting to surrender.

Like guy A pointing a gun to guy B head.

Guy B has his gun pointing at guy C.

And, yes, guy C has his gun pointing at guy A.

-_-"

Yes, Mexican standoff does not require any Mexican involved.

A few days ago, Fat Lady told me that she wished to go out
and have dinner with her friends and to have some good time.

Me, I said no problem.

And I added, " But if you didn't come back by 9 pm, I will
start killing 1 hostage every 20 mins start eating
1 piece of chocolate every 10 mins until you come back.
What do you think, punk ?? Want to make my day ??
I sweared I sounded like Dirty Harry for the last few words.

Fat Lady blood pressure went thru the roof and gave me a
deadly stare, " Where on earth did you learn that ? huh ? huh ??
And I double dare you !!! You don't even go close to that
chocolate jar if you want to see tomorrow sunrise,
and TRY ME to see if I am bluffing !!!! "


Now, wait a second, that wasn't any Mexican Standoff.


That was something that I learnt from US Movie...

Apanama 101 ways to Ask for Ransom....

... but failed.

The One About F1 Night Race Singapore

Today Fat Lady, her brother and I were watching the Singapore
F1 Night Race and before the race we were watching some TV
host or reporter interviewing the spectators before they go
in and watch the F1 race.

A few good one that I could remember.

Reporter:" Hi ! Which team that you think will win ? "
Spectators 1 :" Huh ? I don't know any team leh !" and
she ran away fast fast .......
Reporter -_-"


Reporter:" Hi ! Which drivers that you support ? "
Spectators 2 :" Is there a Michael Schumacher right ?"
Reporter -_-""


Reporter:" Hello ! which drivers will win you think?"
Spectators 3 :" Mikka !! Mikka !!"
Reporter 2 legs and 1 mic in the sky !!


Reporter terus bo lat, asked one uncle
" Hello ! Which drivers will win , you think ?"
Uncle," Hamilton something... ! "


Reporter," Wheeewww !! "

By the way, we enjoyed the race anyway.

Fat Lady's brother, " Yay !! Can see the safety cars !
Nice safety cars !! Got blink blink lights one ! Can
see twice somemore , damn good race man !!!!! "

Fat Lady rolled eyes and Tsk !!!!!

Me -_-"

The One About The Happy Cat

Time has changed, my parents always say that....

We used to keep a cat or two to solve the mouse problems at the
house but I heard nowadays the cats simply don't work anymore.

They eat and sleep and watch TV and remind you 4 times a day
which are, " Breakfast time, Lunch Time, Dinner Time, Supper Time"
and sometimes midnight snack.

Darn.e Did you know that the cat foods in the supermarket are quite
very very expensive ???

ROI of keeping cat(s) at home = Negative 344% let me tell you that!

See what I mean below ???

The One About Haih ......

Haih.....

Haih = The sound that most Malaysian make when they are disappointed, upset.Sigh.

Me, " Haihh..... "

My friend, " What happened ?"

Me, " I screwed up ! Very bad !"

My friend, " Tell me Tell me !! " 38 poh pattern came out...

Me, " You see, I knew that the petrol price was coming down.... "

My friend, " Yeah , you told me before ! "

Me, " I went to a lot of places and visited a lot of customer and planning
to get full tank of cheaper petrol tomorrow ( 25 Sep 2008 )"

My friend, " Oh good ! good planning !! "

Me, " Yeah ! Good planning, but last minute of 24th Sep my fuel tank
became low and I totally forgotten everything and went to pump another
full tank with old prices.... "

Me, " After I pump pump pump, suddenly I remembered OH SHIT !!
tomorrow fuel price would drop !!!
Actually 2 hours later would be midnight and the fuel prices would
drop already !!! "

My friend lolrotf !!!

She pointed at my nose and said, " 老猫烧须！ 老猫烧须！ "

Me -_-"

But, on the other side, RM 0.10 drop per litre.

My F-22 Fuel Tank = 42 litre ( not really empty )

Say 38 litre x RM 0.10 = Only RM 3.80 wasted.

Haih.....

The One About Yoga and Bowel errr..... gas !!

My sister has been doing Yoga for many many weeks and recently
she asked Fat lady to join them for Yoga class. Being wanted
to stay slim and not so fat, Fat Lady agreed.

So 1st day after Fat lady came back from the yoga class.

Fat Lady, " Wah liew !! Very tired !! very tired !! Whole body
stretched like hell and legs and arms very tired. "

Me, " Good good !! "

I was wrong....

A few hours later while I was reading news paper, Fat Lady was
watching TV and suddenly, " Putttt ! "

Me jumped out and shouted, " Gas Attack ! Gas Attack !! Run for
your lives !! Everyone run for shelter !! "

Fat Lady face blush blush, " Soli Soli !! "

Me -_-"

Late at night and I was watching TV another few " Poooottttt !"

Me, " Wah Liew ! Damn healthy farts !! Congratulations !"

Fat Lady, " Yorr ! The Yoga lah ! Yoga Causes Fart Mar !! "

Me, " Wah Liew ! Yoga can cause Fart one meh ? "

Fat Lady then Puttttt !!!

The Famous Kampung Kayu Ara Morse Code :

Puttt = Yes!

Puttt puttt = No!

Pooootttttt = I hate you !

Pffffffffutt = Silenced Puttt !

Probpp proob prooobo put = Puttt with watery sound, deadly putt!

Ok ! ENOUGH !

No more YOGA class !!!

The One About Kampung.

Kampung = Small town or village.


Yesterday at dinner the waitress had some conversation with
me and we were chatting :

Me, " Eh ! Minggu depan Hari Raya doh nih ! Balik kampung ke?"

Lady," Tak lah, saya berasal dari KL. "

Me, " Oh macam tu, ruginya, tak boleh balik kampung. "

Lady, " Errr.... "

Me, " I bahagia, boleh balik Kampung tiap tiap hari !! "

Lady, " Yoooorrrrr !! Syioknya ! Mana you punya Kampung ? "

Me, " Kampung Kayu Ara loh ! "

Lady lol with 2 legs in the sky.

Me ? I terus lari cepat cepat lah.

The One About Improvising

Everyday in life we face problems and challenges.

When people face problems and challenges, there are 2 typical
responses most of the time :

a. To whine, to complain, kao peh kao bu, and problem not solved!
b. Improvise and solve the problem, and be a real man !

My friend Gary has a Kancil and he is been driving it for quite
some time. Once his nice girlfriend complaint that the car visor
has no mirror and she can't put her make up and lip stick and
everything.

Gary made this for less then RM 0.50 the second day and the girl
friend became speechless.





The girlfriend doesn't complain no more.
Gary become happier man.

That, is a good story of the importance of improvising and I think
every good sales person should be able to do that.

Gary could have complaint or cried like hell or protest or ask
for government help and subsidies..... but he didn't !!!

He improvised and solved the problem , like a real man !!!

Gary !! This one is for you !!

I tabik you very much !!