The One About Paying Saman and Get Discount

Recently don't know why a lot of people like getting
crazy and everyday talking about settling their summons.

I feel very left out cause I have none to settle and
decided to show off a little bit. Muahahahahah...

Read my lips," I am a pro, A pro doesn't get Summons.
Only amature gets Summons."

Or you can drive over 300 miles/h, the speed camera can't
capture you according to Adam and Jamie...

Run away fast fast...

The One About Calling from Sabah

A few days ago, a friend of mine called for help and over the
phone, " Eh ! Need your help, i am drinking @ Sabah now !! But my 
Ipad cannot get connected to Wifi and browse the net lah ! "

Me, " Wah ! Ipad, i am not very sure about the setting for  it's Wifi woh!"

Friend, " How ? "

Me, " I need to have the device with me, in order to help ya!"

Friend, " Ok Ok ! Never mind "

Me, " sorry ya ! eh eh ! Buy seafood for me har !!! hehehe! "

15 mins later that friend arrived at my home.... -_-"

Me, " Knnbbq ! You said you were at Sabah just now ? "

Friend, " I said I was in drinking nice coffee at  Starbucks ! 
and I was having problem connecting my wifi using my Ipad. 
And why the hell did you ask me to buy seafood for you from
Sabah for??? Now fix my Ipad . go.go.go  !!!! "

Me, " -_-" ok loh "

Starbucks sounds very close to Setapak and Sabah sometimes....

My ears are bad also sometimes.....

The One About Ah Pok

Ah Pok put these in his MSN status.

我从此以后对此君另眼相看 佩服·佩服!!!! -_-"

also 从此以后吃饭时不看人家的MSN 的 status.....

The One About Your Hairdresser is more terror than my Hairdresser

My rich friend, " Eh ! where do you normally go get your hair dressed?"

Me," errr... infront of my mirror of my bath room loh... "

My rich friend, " I mean, which shop you normally go ? Lot 10 ? 
Pavilion ? Sri Hartamas ? USJ ? Which area ?"

Me, " Oh i have my own regular guy fixing my hair... "

My rich friend, " Your hairdresser from which country ? Mine is from

Hong Kong quite experienced chap, i booking normally 2 days in 

advance can get already. "

Me, " Oh mine no need booking one, he is from Mumbai, i walk in, 

he shake his head, " cut ? " i answered, " yes cut but not too short "

and in 10 mins time i leave RM7 and go home with short hair.

And i sometimes use my bicycle to go to this shop..."

My rich friend, " WTF ? RM7 ? My dog cut hair also RM100 over a pop!"

Me, " Your hair and your dog's hair got gold mah, mine black one."

The One About Negative Temperature

A friend of mine was going abroad and expected would be winter
with negative ( minus ) temperature. He is also bringing his
DSLR to that destination.

Worried about the extremely cold temperature, he was asking us
on tips and tricks to protect the DSLR from negative temp.

Him," I am very worried about by DSLR and the temperature lah!
some friends suggested dry box, silica gel and stuff like that.. but
these are more for moisture right ?"

I said, " I see, this is pretty simple and free solution here !"

Him," Huh ? Really ? how ?"

Me,"  You go ahead and bring your DSLR to your destination."

Him, " Then ? "

Me, " When the temperature drops to negative / minus , you hold
your DSLR in your hand...and close to your face... "

Him, " Then ? Then ? I blow at it ah ? fooo...foooo.. foooo.. like that ?"

Me, " No lah my dear !! Don't do that, your breath got moist also!

 You should then say something negative to the DSLR like, you stupid
camera, or you slow shutter camera, or you small sensor camera or
you lousy piece of ISO equipment, you ain't worth nothing.... perhaps
some hokkien &^@^^#^!%!%&&*(#$#^^!%% too... "

Him, " Why ? Why ??? "

Me, " Cause , last time my math teacher said, Negative and Negative
becomes positive .... confirmed one ! "

Me, " or you can go to kuwait, cause they ban DSLR there...loh..."

Him," You go get hump by an elephant ! "

Me," lmao ! " run away really fast....

The One About 门口与电梯

前几天,有个大肚婆去政府医院生baby时,
赶不及上到 楼上便在电梯里分娩了,
她又不好意思, 又觉得很害羞,
便在电梯里哭得比例巴拉的

妇科医生:"哎呀 !! aunty 您别难过啦!!"

太太:" 这太不好意思了嘛 !!!"

妇科医生: "别哭...别哭..... 去年有个大肚婆更够力leh,
在医院门口, 就 terus 生了leh, 更加 jiat lat 啦!!!"

太太哭得更大声了:" 那也是我来的lah !!!"

医生:" oppppssss !!! "

The One About Solution

A love running everywhere uncontrollable child is a major headache
for a lot of parents. Here comes the solution....

下午，做了一份 Nutella 朱古力面包，刚要吃时。

Fat Lady,"给我一口可以吗?"

Me:"不可以!"

Fat Lady,"求求你啦!"

Me," 就只有这一口 harr!!"

Fat Lady, "好的,谢谢你!!!"

结果完了完了。。。。遇人不淑！！！！！

好一个血盆大口！

The One About Hot

Define hot ?

Answer:" When it is 39° Celsius out there... "

The One about Professional

What is a Pro ?

Answer, " When you can park your car really really to near the wall, like 5mm or 10mm away......"

One About Bachok

Darn I missed Bachok so much !!

The One That Rainy Days

Darn I love Rainy Days....

The One About White Paper

Just now at lunch near Damansara....

Fat Lay, " Errr... what is White paper already ah ? "

Me, " What paper is a kind of official report, normally from authorities or government or a trusted body, that they publish a statement or report which addresses and explains certain issue, problem or causes, like, a white paper on why certain GLC is not performing, or white paper on why is a Stadium collapse after 2 years in was built. and.."

Fat Lady, " STOP !!!! "

Me, "What ? I am not done yet... "

Fat Lady, " Answer me one thing... "

Me, " Ok , what ? "

Fat Lady, " What is a White Paper Crab ? "

Me, " Harrr ? Where got White Paper on Crabs one ? "

Fat Lady, " Look there ? " Point point....

Me, " LMAO ! White Pepper Crab lah Oiyo !! "

The One About GMA !!!

Just now when I was checking my emails suddenly Fat Lady pointed at
my screen and shouted, " Wow !!! "

Me, " What ? "

Fat Lady, " You are using DOS meh ? "

Me, " Nope , Vista... "

Fat Lady, " Why all text and green stuff one ? "

Me, " This is Dosta... "

Fat Lady, " Bodoh lu ! "

Me, " No lah, it's my gmail screen, there is this Terminal themes."

Fat lady, " You are so damn 1970s ok ? "

Me, " No woh, real man uses DOS... and command prompt !"

Fat Lady, " then you should format C: your lap top lah !!"

Me, " Wah wah wah !! Format C: also you know ah ???? "

Fat Lady, " Abuthen ? Your eyes not painful meh ?"

Me, " A bit actually loh... "

Fat Lady, " Then why continue to use it ? "

Me, " GMA ok ??? Gaya Mesti Adaaaaaa "

The One About Die Die Die !!!!

Ah Lian is having a lot of friends in the kindergarden and she likes
them very much and tell us all sorts of story about her new friends.

One fine day she came back and told us, " Yay ! Today i got new friends!"

Me, " Wow ! Cool, who are they ? "

Ah Lian, " One is Ah Beng and another one is Death ... "

Me spat coffee at the laptop screen while Fat Lady spat chicken rice
in my eyes ( with chili some more... spicy !! )

Me, " What is the name again ? Where got people call Death one ? "

Ah Lian, " Got Got Got !! Death Lee !! Death Lee from Ampang !!"

Me, " Choi !!"

Fat Lay, " Choi Choi ! "

Ah Lian's mom, " Choi Choi Tai Kat Lai Si !! Pui Hau Sui Choi !"

Ah Lian almost got tears in eyes liao, " I am not lying !!! "

Me, " Ok Ok ! I trust you, I trust you ! "

Ah Lian, " I didn't lie lah !! See his name here ? "

Ah Lian showed the name, " Dave Lee "

I covered my eyes this time before Fat Lady spit Fried Chicken
to my face again.


* When kids have their front teeth changed, before the new teeth grow,
they can't pronounce certain words properly.

Dave ==> Death
Dance ==> Denfff
Six ==> Sisfff
Fish ==> Fifth
Dish ==> Diffff....

Please be courteous enough and not to make fun or laugh at the kids
who are at this stage...

But then, Dave Lee become Death Lee woh.....

muahahahahahhahahaah !!

The One About Hah ? What Antenna ??

Ah Lian is 6 years old right now and a lot of time, she is the creator
and the cause of alot of confusion of the house. But when she was 4
or 5 years old, there was more confusion....

One fine day, Ah Lian was pointing at the TV ...

Ah Lian, " Wah ! Mummy, Hah Nah Antenna !!! "

Mami, " Hmmm ? What Antenna ? "

Ah Lian, " Hah Nah Antenna !! " kept pointing at TV...

Mami, " Where got Antenna ? It is Satellite TV baby... "

Ah Lian, " No No !! Antenna !! "

Mami looked at the TV and it was Hannah Montana performing...

Mami -_-" " Haiyoh, Hannah Montana lah !! "

Ah Lian, " Ok Hannah Antenna ... "

Mami 2 legs in the sky.......

The One About KPI

In certain organization, a staff's or employee's performance is rated
via KPI ( Key Performance Indicator ).

K = the best one
P = the normal one
I = the not so good one

So the other day the machai asked the boss.

Machai, " Hello Boss, for 2010, what would you rate me?"

Boss, " You mean your performance izzit ? "

Machai, " Yes sir ! What do you think of my performance ?"

Boss, " What do you think you are worth ? "

Machai, " Me ? I of course K lah ! "

Boss, " Ok ! K for you... no problem... "

Machai, " Wah !! Really ah ? So nice lah you bosss !! "

Boss, " No problem... "

Machai, " Boss, you are the best, i love you deep deep !!!"

Boss, " A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, and you are K woh !! "

Machai " fuyohalamak !! " and 2 legs in the sky ,
waliew !!!! -_-"

The One About Hot !!

Right now it is 5 pm. And my room temp is 32.5° Celcius. I am
in the PJ house right now. Outside how warm, i don't want to
know .....

Yesterday morning when I went into my car the outside temp
was 39° Celcius... -_-"

A few weeks ago i woke up @ ampang lair , it was 22° Celcius
only.

I looked at the sun and asked, " Kenapa boleh jadi begini ?"
and was hoping that the Met department would announce that it
would be dry season soon.

Cause previous few years, each time the Meteorological department
announces that it would be dry season for next few months.
It started to rain like no tomorrow, just to embarrass the Met dept.

Comon, let's announce some dry season ?? no ??

The One About Wrong Lots of Love !!

A few days ago, Ah Beng's pet dog Ah James died, too old already.
Ah Lian was the best frind of Ah Beng from 1986 till now....
Ah Liam was also very sad cause James used to kiss kiss Ah Lian's
face and hands and everything everytime James see Ah Lian....

That is another story...

So Ah Lian decided to send a text message to Ah Beng to comfort him
and to console him, at the same time, hoping to show Ah Beng that she
cares for him very much ( and etc etc etc... )

The sms read like this, " Hei Ah Beng, i am very sorry to
hear that James passed away, deepest condolence from
me and my family and lol from me to you!!! "

Ah Beng received the SMS and was so angry and called Ah Lian back.

Ah Beng, " You very happy meh now ? "

Ah Lian, " No wor, i am very sad cause James passed away. "

Ah Beng, " Then why you lol in your SMS ? "

Ah Lian, " I really have lol for you mah ! "

Ah Beng, " knnbbq? Niabeh my dog died and you still laughing
out loud at me, you want to fight izzit ? "

Ah Lian, " Huh ? lol is not Lots of Love meh ? "

Ah Beng, " Lots of love your head ! Get lost ! "

Ah Lian, " errr. soli loh !! but i really lots of love mar.. "

Ah Beng, " Dulan ! " and hang up the phone.....

This one is from Johntim.... who is going to Singapore soon
with lolololol !!!

****************

Ah Beng text back Ah Lian, " Hi Ah Lian, sorry to hear that
your car was ran over by a 18 wheels truck and your pet
cat Kitty was in the car, lolol !! "

........ and that was how the fight started...

The One About Sugar Cane

This morning was having a morning walk with Ah Lian who is 6
years old. As we passed by some trees and plants i tried to show
off that i watched a lot of Discovery Channel and National Geographic.

Me, " See, this is banana trees... coconut trees... bla.. bla bla...."

Ah Lian, " Oh ! Banana tree ! Why this banana so small one ?"

Me, " It is still growing ma... "

Ah Lian, " Ok Ok ... "

Me, " See this one is sugar cane, we always drink sugar cane juice one?"

Ah Lian, " Oh !!! I know I know !! " me damn syiok...

Ah Lian, " This is Shushi King tree ? We eat Shushi from here one ? "

Me, " Sugar cane tree ! "

Ah Lian, " Ya lah ! Sushi King tree la ! I love shushi "

Me jumped into the longkang and took a bath there to cool myself...

-_-"

The One About Whale

Just now watching TV and the news showed some whales appearing at
US coast, cause the coast area now has a lot of shrimp.

Due to don't know what La Lina or La Bamba or
Lambada phenomenon....

Fat Lady, " Wah ! Whales !! "

Me, " Yeap ! "

Fat Lady, " Whale so huge, eat small little shrimp one meh ? "

Me, " Yeap ! "

Fat Lady, " They eat so many shrimps, collestrol will be very high or not?"

Me, " errr.... I don't know woh ! But i know, if we eat a lot of shrimp, the
doctor will sure start lecturing about high collestrol and stuff like that lah !"

Fat Lady, " So unfair hor ... "

Me, " errr..... "

Fat Lady, " By the way, Lambada is a song, not weather phenomenon ok ?"

Me, " errr.... zzzzzzzzz. "

* El Nino and La Nina lahhhhh !!! Oiyoh !!!

The One About Lady At Post Office

Just now went to Post Office and did some courier to my brother.

Me, " Harlo . itu Pos Laju service ada di sini ?"

Lady, " ada ada.. ini form, sila fill up... "

Me, " Besok sampai, sempat ke ? "

Lady, " Tak boleh lah, encik, 4 pm sudah pickup, sekarang 5 pm"

Me, " Ok ok. tak apa... " and filled up the form...

Lady, " Sila nyatakan apa yang dihantar...."

Me, " Oh ! Ok ok ! and wrote, " Biskut yang sedap ""

Lady saw already -_-" ... " Har ? Biskut yang sedeap ? "

Me, " Kenapa, you tak percaya ah ? Betul mia ! "

Lady lol ! The colleage of her who was having sour face also
laughed....

Me, " Betul mia ... ini biskut yang sedap !! "

Lady, " ok ok. saya percaya... saya percaya... RM6.90"

Me, " ok ok... terima kasih " * Lari....

The One About Char Siew

A team member of mine is a very nice person, when he sees poor

people, he gives them some money, when he sees poor animal, he

tries to help them also. His name is Mr Lee.

One fine day, he came out from restaurant after having lunch. And

after a moment he walked back into the restaurant.

Mr Lee, " Hi boss, can you cut me RM10 of char siew ? Take away "

The boss, " Har ? You just ate your lunch, but well, since it is you... "

The boss chop chop and cut cut some Char Siew and packed them.

Then Mr Lee took the Char Siew and paid the RM10. After that, he

walked to the front of the shop and opened the pack of char siew

and fed those to a dog !!!

The boss, " @*$%^!^^#&*&*($^ You fed my Char Siew to a dog ah?"

Mr Lee, " No mar, the dog very hungry leh !! "

The boss, " knnbbq ! My char siew so limited, not enough already and

yet you fed it to a dog ??? "

Mr Lee, " No mar, the dog very really hungry woh ! "

The boss, " But still !! My char siew woh !! "

Mr Lee, " Sorry loh ! "

The boss, ".......... "

Ｔｈｅ Ｏｎｅ Ａｂｏｕｔ Ｔｈｅ Ｐｏｓｔ Ｏｆｆｉｃｅ．

今天午餐时, 带了两位办公室的小姐出街，路过邮政局。

陈小姐:" 哇 !!! 好久没来邮政局办事了!! 好怀念 lah !!"

我: " 哇!! 陈小姐, 我忘了您那年代没有电脑, 也没电邮, 没用飞鸽传书吗？"

陈小姐:" 哇 liew !! 看我的佛.. 山.. 无.. 影.. 脚.. !!!!!!"

我:" Oi !　喂！喂！ 我在驾车啦 可以不要伤害我吗?"

陈小姐：＂ 什么飞鸽传书哪？ 什么没有电邮的年代哪？想死吗？＂

刘小姐 笑得从车后座掉到地上去了。

＂很好笑么？＂陈小姐问道．

The One About A Good Steak Shop

A few days ago i was having business meeting with reseller at
Victoria Station and had dinner with the reseller. Was so happy
with the food and discussion and went back told Fat Lady about
that.

A few days later, Fat Lady mia sister, " Hor ! I angry with you !! "
Me," Huh ? What ? What have i done wrong ?"
Fat Lady mia sister, " You no good lah ! "
Me, " Har ? What went wrong, tell me.. tell me.. "

Fat Lady mia sister, " You never bring me to Victoria Secret !! "
Me, " Har ? Victoria Secret ... err... "
She, " Eh ! Bukan... Victoria Secret.... Victoria Station .. "
Me, " Choi ! Bodoh ! "
She, " So when you want to bring me there zhek ? "
Me, " Don't ask me, ask Fat Lady ! Heheheheh.... "

Fat Lady, " ya ya... we go buy Victoria Secret ya... "
Me, " Both of you Stupiak ! But the steak was nice! ! "
Both of them, " YORRR ! "

The One About Blur Lady

A few weeks ago we went back to Ampang house and saw a co worker
of mine who has a nice sport car. I waved to them and say hello and
Fat Lady's sister was also in the car.

A few days later, we passed thru the same place again and Fat Lady's
sister, " Oh ! the Pink Lady is not there today ! "

Me, " Hmmm ? Pink Lady ? Who is that ? "

She, " Noh ! That day your friend nuh, the Pink Lady sport car one !"

Me and Fat Lady, " NISSAN FAIR LADY Lah !!! "

She, " Opppss !! Why i remember pink lady hor... "

Me and Fat Lady -_-"

The One About 咏春

前几天看了几部关于功夫片，觉得很有感觉很有feel......

回到家，对肥婆说道，“我要学咏春！我要学功夫！”

肥婆，“什么 ????”

我很兴奋的说道，“我要一个打十个！”

肥婆，“学功夫？人家给警察给扣留了啦！”

我, “吓?? 什么话”

The One About Speeding and Get Caught

My friend Sam has a Proton Satria Neo and a lot of time he drives very fast.

One day he was rushing from Seremban back to Kuala Lumpur and he
was driving pretty fast then.

Somewhere near Nilai he get stopped by Traffic Police with red flag.

Sam, " Wah liew ! This time kena already.... "

Police walked to his car, " Selamat petang encik.. "

Sam, " se..se... selamat petang... "

Police, " Jadi, you tahu apa kesalahan you ? "

Sam, " spe .. spe... speeding ?? "

Police, " Betul ! tahu pon engkau ! "

Sam, " so... so... berapa ? "

Police, " 185 "

Sam, " Wa... wa... waliew ? So expensive ?" and reached for wallet ...

Police, " Oi !! Oi !! Oi !! apa you buat ? Buat apa you ambik duit ?"

Sam, " 185 ring... ring... ringgit mar, kan ? "

Police, " Oi !! Oi !! Oi !! you mia speed tadi 185km per jam lah ! apa you
ingat ? "

Sam, " O..O...Oh ! Shit ! "

Police, " Nah ! ini saman untuk speeding, sila bayar di mana-mana kaunter
opis Polis Trafik ya, terima kasih, lain kali tolong jangan pandu cepat lagi !!"

Sam =_="

The One About Lap Top Mainboard

This morning was chatting with Miss Lim over her lap top which
has problem and can't work properly...

Miss Lim, " Fuyuh !! my lap top got problem lah !! screen snowy.. "

Me, " Wassap ? what happened ? tell me tell me ?what is the prob.."

Miss Lim, " My friend said that the motherboard is having problem!
baru 2 years in service, but screen can't show / display properly liao"

Me, " Har ? Motherboard ah ? "

Miss Lim, " Yalah, the motherboard became siao siao abit liao !"

Me, " I see.. "

Miss Lim, " So , what do you think happened ? "

Me, " See, normally at the month of May the motherboard of the PC
and laptop will start giving problems and strike one, this is according to
an US study on hardware and the statistic is correct up to 95% ... "

Miss Lim, " Har ?? Izzit ?? why why leh ?"

Me, " See May is mother day mar, whole world celebrating the Mother
day except motherboard cannot celebrate, yet have to work ...
of course they give you problem lah ! Aiyoh.... "

Miss Lim, " 3 8 ! Bodoh !!"



Happy Mother's Day !! Mum, we love you !!!

The One About The Mountain Bike

A few months ago, went to Ampang and bought myself a very
good mountain bike with disc brakes for front and back.

Tried many rounds around my house area but later put that in
the store room cause recently very busy.

Mom, " Wei ! Your mountain bike buy for what ? No use one?"

Me, " Mam, it has use ok ? "

Mom, " What use ? "

Me, " You see, everyday I hang my jeans and cargo pants there!"

Me, " Damn yeng hor ? I do not throw jeans and pants on floor one!"

Me, " Successful man put jeans and pants on good bike !! "

Mom. " Try my 18 Control Dragon Palm with Olive Oil !!! "

The One About Piano

Yesterday mom suddenly said, " You all should feel sorry about the piano!"

Me, " Huh ? why ?"

Mom, " You all never use and play the piano for months already ya ! "

Me, " No ak, we did touch ya ! "

Mom, " When When When ?? "

Me, " Every day loh ! "

Mom, " Do not bluff ! Young man !! Do not bluff !! "

Me, " No ! Everyday i put my keys on the piano, and put my wallet there."

Me, " Sometimes I even put my letters there too ... for few days ... "

Mom -_-"

My sister, " Ya lah ! I also put my handphone there what ? "

Mom, " See my Buddha Hill No Shadow
Kick ! Both of you !! Rasakan !!!
Kazhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... "

The One About Leanne

One of my niece's name is Leanne and it is indeed a nice name.

Her mother however always call her, " Ah Leanne.. come here....
Ah Leanne do this... do that .... Ah Leanne.... "

One fine day, Leanne, " Excuse me, mama !! "

Mother, " Yes dear ? anything I can do for you ? "

Leanne, " Can you please kindly stop calling me Ah Lian ???
My name is Leanne !! like the Leanne Rimes like that ok ??

Please do not call me Ah Lian anymore, you want me to
call you Ah Beng ? "

the mother -_-" ......

The One About Playing Cards

A few days ago I was watching some friends playing cards during
CNY and this Miss K brought her little girl along.

Miss K, " Lian, you see my card ? Nice ah ? But you cannot say
what you see ya ? "

Lian, " Ok mama, " and she shouted, " 8 !!! 10 !!! "

whole table laughed until ....

Miss K, " You should not shout out the card no too... "

Lian, " wopppppsss !!!"

The One About Highway to Heaven

If there is a route or highway to heaven,
this must be it !!!!

The One About Feeling Blue ??

Sometimes in life, things happen. Good things and not so good things.

If a good thing happens, we enjoy it and appreciate it.

If bad thing happens, we solve them and we learn a lesson
from them, that's it !! Sometimes bad things happen and our
mood become low and we show sad face or long face.

No good !! Here are the ways to feel better ya.




The still quite new YF22 had fuel pump problem and there she
goes, the first time up on to the tow truck :)

Reason for refuse to work ? Fuel pump wire loosen... -_-"


Sunset at Kuala Krai, always feel very gray and dark
approaching very fast during sunset, people feels
uncertainty during sunset. I feels directionless.....

But the heat of Chinese new year is gone as the sun
goes down, right ?

After sunset, there is sunrise like below.

Everytime when there is fog or mist in the morning,
it is going to be a hot day !




One of the way to reduce stress, to remove blue and to
become happier.

Go to Zoo and see the poor face of the animal :)



Or eat some chocolate cakes....



Lou Sang and shout " I WANT TO FAT TATT!" before that....


So, why still a long face ? Go out, have fun and make
yourself happy : )


Bring the kids of the family to Zoo or outing,
take photos with them ....


My cousin, " Oh ! Koko, that bird is horny lah ! "

Me, " where where ? "

Cousin, " Tuuuu.... "

Me, " That one not horny, and those are not horn... this owl didn't comb his
hair this morning or his hair cream ran out... "

Cousin, " tipu .... you think i was born yesterday izzit ? "

Suddenly i feel that all of my cousin has grown up a lot ....


The wild cat has become fatty cat...

My cousin, " Yo camel ! "

the camel, " Come closer, i will chew your fingers off !!"

The One About The Armoured Guy

Aiseh, what is the name of this animal with full body armour and

a nice full face helmet already ya?

Saw this one at some fish farm a few weeks ago.

I remembered this is one of the oldest animal in the world.

Older than shark and crocodile.....

apanama.... itu .... apanama.....

The One About Setapak and Mark Ko

Today was chatting with my father in car when going to Penang, sister and
mother are also tagging along.

Me, " So, how was your both trip to Genting yesterday? "

Father, " Good, I went and had coffee with your mama. "

Me, " Oh ... coffee ya ...where ? "

Father, " Setapak... "

Me and my sister, " What ? Setapak ? You went Genting right ?"

Father, " Stapak... " My mother spits mineral water at my car window...

Me, " Oi !! Starbucks ok ? "

Father, " Yes yes, Stabak... " Me 2 legs in the sky....

Me, " So , Starbucks, nice coffee ya ! "

Father, " Very nice and price also good ! "

Me, " Ya, nice price tag, what coffee did you drink ? "

Father, " Mark Koh... Markkohhh something .... "

Me and my sister spit the Cokes at car dashboard.....

Me and my sister, " Mocha lahhhhhhhh !!! "

My father, " Oppsss, Moka.. Moka.... "

I almost pulled the steering wheel off ..... Mark Ko pula.....

Papa.. why you so funny one ?

The One About Youngster(s) Today

My parents, just came back after having Starbucks at Genting....

Them, " Nowadays, a lot of kids surfing net at coffee shops ya !"

Me, " Yap, there are free internet access there. "

Them, " Both of us old people sit there and so many youngster, we
looked a bit odd lah "

Me, " Don't feel odd, next time, bring 2 lap tops, each of you open your
MSN and start chatting, and look at the screen and start grinning every
2 second(s), you will mix in alright... no worries ... or you can do farming,
harvesting and even stealing your neighbours fruits and vegetables... "

Them, " What fruits ? What vegetables ??? "

Me, " Never mind... i will teach you one day.... "

The One About Important Activity

A few weeks ago we were having a gathering with Fat Lady's friends who
grew up with her in Ampang. And I also joined them to Key Poh and look
see look see around.

There were about 8 of us and we were having lunch at house of Ah Sim.

Ah Sim is a good friend of mine who happens to be Fat Lady friend too.

20 minutes after we started the lunch, the 2 ladies started looking at
their watch and started making calls and SMS.

Looked like very busy with work or some important issue.

After I asked them what happened, they said, " Strawberry whitening!"

Me, " What strawberry are you talking about ? "

Them, " We do farming now lah, very busy ! "

Me, " Eh I thought both of you are in Information Technology one ?
started farming since when ? Which farm do you normally go ? Do you
do organic farming or not ? I have this question about..... "

Them, " Stop ! We are doing farming on-line ! We plant strawberries
and our strawberries are riping already ! Now do you have a PC that
we could connect to the internet ? Else please go play far far away..... "

Me, " WFT ? farming virtually ? "

Them, " Yes ! And now please connect this PC to the internet .... "

5 minutes later... Them, " Oh ha ha !! can harvest already, let me go
and steal some stuff from my neighbour first ... keh keh keh.. "

Me, " Darn ! These people are very strange.... "

Fat Lady, " Ya, imagine that you could grow strawberries and harvest
the fruits in 4 hours time, with no sweat , no soil need and also no need
to water your plant. That is cool ya !! "

Me, " I need to learn about this virtual farming thing already !!! "

Fat Lady, " You don't get addicted to it so much, that my 2 friends
set alarm notificaion in the handphone and google calander ... so that
they could harvest their fruits on time and prevent whitening......"

Me -_-"

The One That I am away

It is now year end again. Now excuse me cause I am away from KL.

The One About More Coffee

We had 6 of these this morning. Fat Lady, " Hmmmm...... darn good coffee !!"

I am sure that later when I pee, the toilet would smell like

Cappucinaman Coffee Company.....

The One About Good Coffee

Was with Fat Lady and the team in Ipoh searching for good coffee.

We went to 1st Shop and had some coffee....

Me asked, " So how ? coffee nice ??"

Fat Lady mia sister, " Hmmm.... so so only.... "

Me, " Wah Liew wei ! This one very famous one woh ! Got Egg Tart one woh!"

Fat Lady mia sister, " Nope, no kick, my heart beat didn't go up ! "

Me, " WTFBBQSATAY ..... "

Fat Lady mia sister, " I want to try a second opinion, let's go opposite one!"

Hence we went to "Sun Yuan Foong" and tried....

20 seconds later

Me, " How how ?? "

Fat Lady mia sister, " Wah ! Got feel !! got feel !!! my heart now Ping Pong

Ping Pong, Ping Ping Pong Pong !! Very strong !! very nice !! This is TEH

best ! i am very high now, can go do Disco and "Feng" my head till

tomorrow....ya ?? ya ?? Got disco here or not ?? Got pub or not ??"

We all, " Chee Sin !!!! "

The One About Big Animals Water

A few days ago we were at Ipoh area searching up and down for foods
and ate a lot of hot stuffs.

Ate some fried and spicy stuff , a lot of protein stuff too.

Fat Lady, " Hei ! You all better drink some HIPPO water there ok ? "

My niece, " Yi Yi , what is hippo water ? "

Fat Lady mia sister, " Ya, what on earth is hippo water ? "

Me, " What is HIPPO water ?? "

Fat Lady, " errr..... "

Me, LMAO, " You mean 3 legs Rhino water isn't it ?? Ha ha ha !!"

Fat Lady, " eerrrr... ya loh wopppsss "

Me, " Why not you call that Elephant Water or Whale Water ?"

Fat Lady, " Oi !!! Soli lor !! "

Is that true it is difficult to diffrenciate a Rhino and a Hippo ??


Fat Lady, " Oiiii !! I said enough already harrrr !! "

Me, " ok ok... cough * hippo water * cough "

Fat Lady, " Ka Chaaaaaaaaaa !!! You bad man ! Come try my latest
Buddha..... Mountain...... Non-Shadowed...... Kicks !!! "

The One About Handphone Freeze

A few days ago in the office.

Miss July ( MJ ) came to my place and asked, " Kai Hong, got a few minutes ?"

Me, " ya, how may i help you ?"

MJ, " You see this phone, no response no matter what i press leh !"

Me, " oh , let me see ? "

MJ, " Nah here you go... donno why it freezes leh "

Me took it and pressed Power button for 3 sec, Nokia tune played....

MJ, " Har ? WTF ? "

Me, " Mobile phone need to be turned on first, only it would work.. "

MJ, " WTF ? Which button that you pressed ? "

Me, " Power on button lah ! "

MJ, " But it is not written here as power button leh ! "

Me 2 legs in the sky........

MJ laughed he he he he he and beaten the crap out of me .....

The One About Cari Pasal

A few friends of mine are now working in Abu Dhabi and the
surrounding country. Miss Wei was one of them ...

Today over the MSN , Me, : " Oi Oi ! Miss Wei how do you do ?"

Wei, " I am good, how about yourself ?"

Me, " I am fine here, how are things there ?"

Wei, " Not too bad, work is fine but very hot lah !!!... "

Me, " Need any thing there ? Anything that has great demand
there? Maybe some sand ? I can export a lot of sand to Abu
Dhabi if you want .. Malaysia has a lot of sand !!!.. "

Wei, " ............ "

Me, " I give you a good discount and give you credit terms lah !
want or not ? * run away fast fast "

Wei, " nuts ah ? desert already, still need sand ah ? &!@&#&!&&$"

lolrtof !!!

Damn... i am bored sometimes....

The One About Gas Leakage !! Gas Leakage !!

This morning I was with Fat lady and her siblings at KL doing some usual stuff.

Suddenly I felt that there was some strong smell of gas ( cooking gas ) in
the air and I told them about this....

Me, " eh ! you all feel that there is gas leakage ? "

Fat lady, sniff sniff, " hmm.... seems got a bit, not strong.... "

Fat lady's sister, sniff sniff, " Wah ! Got got !! Strong gas smell !! "

Me, " Darn ! We are so near to the kitchen facility, could that be
cooking gas leakage ? should we warn them ? "

Fat lady still sniff sniff around.....

FL's sister, " Oh ! could it be oxygen leakage from the tank ? "

She pointed at a small oxygen cylinder not too far away from us...

me, " Oi ! Oxygen has no odor or smell one ok ? "

FL's sister," Opppsss ... really ? soli soli !! "

After my brain load some old scenario and old case from CSI....

Suddenly, " Wait you all !! No need to panic already !! I know what
gas is that already ! he he he he !!!"

Everyone, " what ? what gas was that ?? got poisonous or not ? "

Me, " D---U---R---I---A---N !!! "

Everyone lolrotf with 2 legs in the sky...

There was someone eating durian not too far away from us and
the smell of durian when mixed with air , smells so like cooking
gas !!!

What does this mean ? Ladies and Gentleman ???

It is TEH DURIAN season again !! YAY !!!

The One About Award Winning Photo(s)

My cousin asked me what photo is this, and I told her that this is the

photo that will win me an Award.

lolol !!!

I think when Fat Lady see this photo she might spit coffee on her LCD screen

and fall off her chair....

The One About Scarry Tree

I was at this Bradley Stairs ( Tangga Krai ) and walking around
when I saw this 38 million years old tree... ok ok... very old
tree and I went to take a few photos of the tree.

The guy selling drinks near the tree :" Eh, sir please be careful ! "

Me:" Huh ? What ? Me ? "

The guy: " Ya, this tree has hantu (ghost) one ! "

Me:" Har ? Are you kidding me? "

The guy:" No ! It is true, a lot of people came and took the photos
of this tree and at night the saw something else in the photo... u
go home later at night and look at the tree carefully and you will
see... teng teng teng.... got something else one !!!"

Me:" Are you very sure ? "

The guy:" I swear by the name of my father, mother and my wife.. "

Me:" They must be using non Nikon Cameras and Lenses.... using lousy
equipment(s) would produce lousy quality of images...

You see, I am using Nikon D50 and 18 to 135mm lenses, all the photos
come out very nice and gurantee no Ghost and Spirits one ... see ? see?"

The guy 2 legs in the sky ....

Me ? I smile and ran away fast fast lah....

The One About Kuala Krai

After hmmm 8 months of busy working in Kuala Lumpur, I am back to

Kuala Krai where I spent my happy childhood time...

A lot of changes compared to 3 or 4 years ago.

A lot of swifts around ( Not that Suzuki Swift.... ), those swifts which

produces a lot of birdnest using their saliva... and Chinese eat these

birdnest made by these saliva .... and I don't know if these swift got

brush their teeth every morning and night, or clean their tongue or not...

Well.... that is another story..... ( geee... eating birds saliva ? darn Chinese )

Went and took some photos, some nice, some so so and some were quite

scary.....

enjoy ya....

Visit to Kuala Krai train station is a must, but darn, it has been upgraded

and looked too modern to my liking.

And they demolished my favourite wooden STORE !!! Darn !

The One About Palm PDA ... eh Palm Seeds

Actually Kuala Krai is surrounded by a lot of palm trees and rubber

trees.... deforesation was bad hence the very hot weather nowadays

in the noon.

Yesterday night was very very special super extra hot....

This, my friend, are the nice Palm Seeds that I saw on the

way when I was doing some off road driving , learning how to

avoid the cow pooo on the way... -_-"

The One About Stealing Chicken !!!

什么是所谓的偷鸡呢 ??

偷鸡就是开演唱会, 到一半忘了歌词, 或唱累了.....

就把麦克风对着观众, 让大家一起唱

好像很很开心的....

偷大鸡嘛这是...

-_-"

The One About Starry Starry Night

The One About A Place Far far Away !!

The One About Soli Soli

Would like to apologize for being away from here for
quite some time.... work has been quite busy and a few
new project is coming....

But i still love this blog very very much one !! ya !

The One About Sudah Kurus

Suatu hari, Jess , " Oh ! Kai Hong, you sudah kurus ! "

Me, " Wah ! Bagus bagus, thank you thank you... "

Jess, " I mean, you punya siku agak kurus ..... "

Me, " Fat San Mou Yeng Kiok !!!! Jangan lari !!!! "

The One About Kasih Sayng Part II

Pada suatu malam yang sunyi, dalam bilik tidur,

Si isteri, " Yang, yang sayangkan i ke tidak ? "

Si suami, " Mestilah, sayang sampai garing !! "

Si isteri, " yay yay !! Jadi... jadi... jadi... "

Si suami, " jadi apa ? yang ? "

Si isteri, " Yang, jadi saya bagi you 3 pilihan
a. You belikan i satu Blackberry
b. You belikan i satu Mazda 3
c. You belikan i satu Mitsubishi Lancer 2.0 GTI "

Suami, " Yang, biar aku bagi you kasih sayang ya !!

Tumbukan kiri = kasih
Tumkukan kanan = sayang !! Nah !! Rasakan kasih sayang aku !!!

Sepakan Fut San Mou Yeng Kiok = Cinta Abadi !!! "

Maka pon jadilah polis case......

The One About MJ

Last week during breakfast with my Chung Hwa 95 gang at some dim
sum shop...

Ah Jin: " Eh later want to go One U ? Got Tribute for MJ "

Fat Lady, " Metro Jaya ah ? One U ? Got sales ah ? Mega sales start
already meh ? I want to go !! I want to go !!! "

Ah Jin:" You know, itu Micheal Jackson, not Metro Jaya.... no I am not
talking about Mega sales or Kilo sales... I am talking about my beloved
Michael Jackson who died recently ok ? sob.. sob.. sob... "

Fat Lady, " Whopppsss... sorry sorry, sorry sorry..... "

btw, did you notice that for the past 1 week, MJ's song is like all over
the radio space, and all the Plasma TV, LCD TV at major shopping mall
now is showing him doing Moonwalking ??

Fat Lady, " geeee.... this guy sure could dance... ya ? "

Me, " ya, not Metro Jaya ya ? "

The One About 2 lizards

Scenario : 2 lizards went walking on the ceiling of my house, Lizard A
saw Fat Lady naked and fall off the ceiling.

Question : What does Lizard B which didn't fell say to Lizard A ??

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

Answer : "Tsk..tsk...tsk...tsk...tsk...." and shake head slowly....

Me ? I ran away fast fast man...

cicak besar gila...

The One About I could eat a cow....

A few days I was so hungry in the office that I told people that was
so hungry that I could probably eat a cow...

Fat lady's brother is new to the market and asked, how do we ask
people to give us a cow ? in a effective way...

Brother, " Do we say, like, can you pull me a cow ? or tug me a cow?
or bring me a cow ? or should I say, could you please pass me the cow?
hmmm... no good... or should I say could you kindly gimme a cow please?

Me, " Gimme the god damn cow ! " and you could add the following too...
( I am not asking you, I am telling you! )

My another friend, " Why not pig or horse or something ?? "

Me, " Pig is too small and horse is too thin... just like Mars is too hot,
Venus is too cold.... everything else is too far away.... "

My friend, " eh.... who told you that ? "

Me, " watch Discovery Channel lah .... " run away fast fast....

The One About Cheese Cakes....

This morning, Mel, " Wei ! Kai Hong, mana aku mia cheese cake yang
engkau janjikan semalam ?? mana ? mana ?? .... "

Me, " Oh ! Sorry ya ! This morning in the wash room,
too rush, i flushed them already...... chocolate cheese right ?? "

Mel, " Yeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww !!! "

The One About Two Cores Two Cores !!!

Yesterday a customer of mine was calling me and asking
when could I visit him.

Me, " Oh I am coming on Friday ya ! "

Customer, " Great great !! So what are agendas ? "

Me, " bla bla bla... oh and I am bringing you 2 HP notebooks.... "

Customer, " Wah ! Wah ! Wah !! Thanks so much ! "

Me, " well, this is as per promised to you last time ... "

Customer, " Dual core one right ? 2GB Ram ? 250GB HDD ?"

Me, " ..................... "

Customer, " I prefer to have Windows Vista Premium ya ! "

Me, " .................... "

Customer, " Got carrying bag also ya ? Waho !! Waho !! "

Me, " HOI !!! I promised you organizer / notepad / lah ! "

Customer, " But you said notebook mar .... "

Me, " a book to write your notes is notebook lah ...... "

Me, " You want me to bring a hammer and chainsaw or not ?"

Customer, " no need no need .... "

Me, " You want me to bring your sales achieved vs target or not?"

Customer, " wah lagi no need no need .... "

Me, " So what else do you want me to bring ?? "

Customer, " 2 notepad only, for writing note one.. "

Me, " Oh ! you are so clever .... 真乖 ！！ "

The One About Kakak....

Yesterday in office while having a discussion....

Junko, " Bla .. bla.. bla.. bla... bla.. bla.. bla ..... "

Miss Lim, " No lah , no lah not like that... bla bla bla... "

Junko, " Oi ! Not like that, not like that, you understand
or not Kakak?"


Our cleaner lady popped up and asked, " Yes ? Anything ?"


We all suddenly had a shock, where the heck does Kakak come
from from out of sudden ?

Junko, " Sorry sorry, not you Kakak, i was talking about Miss Lim!"

Kakak, " Oh ! i thought you called me and need my service... "


We........ LOLROTF !!!

Junko, " Soli Soli .... Soli soli !! "

Miss Lim face green green......


Kakak = Elder sister, sometimes refer to maid or domestic help...

The One About Shang Hai San

My friend Ah San follows the husband to Shang Hai cause the husband
has to work in Shang Hai recently.

But Ah San hasn't found any job yet at the moment hence was asking
around to see if there is any job suitable for her.

By the way, Ah San could play some good Ping Pong ya !!

So today at MSN, me asked, " so right now you are 上海无业

无赖 无家可归 无国籍 无法无天 五体投地

天主啊啦 东海 海龙王 ?

Ah San -_-" and replied, " I hate you !!!!!!!!! "

Me lolrotf !!!

A moment later I asked, " So , if I were to go to Shang Hai and to work
there, is there any work which is suitable for me ? "

Ah San, " Guard loh "

Me, " I hate you also !!!!!!!!!!!! "

Ah San lolrotf !!!

By the way, I knew Ah San since 1988 or 1989 you know ??

The One About MC

Was having bad cough this morning and din't go into office and
chosen to work from home instead.

At late evening went to see the Doc and took medicine...

Doc checked checked checked, asked me to say, " AHHHHH "

I did the " AHHHHHH " as per requested.

Doc, " Now I want to listen to your lung. "

Me, " ok.... ok..... " And take off my shirt .....

Doc, " Eh eh eh !! Wait wait !! No need to take off shirt !! "

Doc, -_-" "I have stethoscope.... nih !!"

Me, " Wopppss ! Sorry.... "

It was a female doctor....

* lari

The one about I don't know how to say it.....

阿妹要去槟城, 问道:"有什么出名的好料要买吗??"

老妈:" 买一箱豆沙饼"

外婆:" 买一箱麻油"

阿妹头昏昏......

一箱豆沙饼, 好像太少了.....

买一箱麻油, 又好像太多了.....

哎不理了 买了再说.... 赶时间....

两天后 回到吉隆坡 把豆沙饼和麻油搬下车.

老妈开门 问道:" 我的豆沙饼呢？"

阿妹: "拿， 一箱豆沙饼 和 一大箱麻油"

老妈 外婆 双双 反白眼............

老妈外婆 ： "我叫你买义香豆沙饼和义香麻油啦 笨蛋"

一箱麻油要吃到几百年呢？

天

The One about 50mm F1.8 lens

For Johntim, nah, here you are !!

The One about Coconut

The One about Got To Have One of These

agree??

The One About Unknown Plant

Fat Lady asked, " what the heck is this ? "

Me, " I don't know, you took the photo, and ask me back ? "

Fat Lady, " yaloh yaloh !!"

The One About De tour De Langkawi

Leaving Langkawi in a Jet Plane.....

The One About Spagatha !!!!

My father calls this " Spagathaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !! "

Me, " Spaghetti lah...... "

The One About Yo Shorty !!

7 shorties....

The One About Pling Pang Pong

The other day we whole family went to Penang and spent the
1st of May holiday there.

On the way, ah pa, " Penang Island is always hot hot and hot !!! "

4.5 second later....

the sky turned dark, wind started becoming stronger....

Ah Pa, " oh owww.... "

The rest of 3 days and 2 night in Penang, 70% of the time was raining.

Ah Pa, " wooppsss .... "

Me, " Complain lah complain, now everyday rain already loh !! "

The One About Epic Fail

The picture is self explanatory...

The One about Let's go to the beach.

Darn I wished that I had all day and could just play at the beach...

The One About Kang Kung vs Predator

Went to a bay in Penang and ordered the fried Kang Kung.

Ah Pa did the Predator vs Kang Kung cause he was really hungry....

I ordered a extra big plate one cause we needed the fiber...

But the plate seems so small....